My Night.

In my bed. Breathing, Rise and fall, Veins beat with pain. In the darkness. In my body, like a song. Stillness. Hold my breath, Pain pulsating, no! Foreign. My body, is my own? Pulsing pain beats. Never ends, Rise and fall. ~k.lynel

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I Almost Lost.

As I sit here, this morning, I need to write about something that makes me feel weak. This results in a feeling of embarrassment and shame. But neither of these feelings are mine to own. What I just went through is a fact of depression, not the exception. While this is still fresh in my…

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Hello, Shadow Boxer?

The dictionary defines shadowboxing as a form of exercise used for training in combat sports. In psychology “shadowboxing” is a process one uses to overcome a negative self-image so success can be achieved. In the book I co-wrote, The ShadowBoxers, Fighting Fibromyalgia, Your Personal Journal, we define Shadow Boxers as individuals who are fighting against a disease…

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In the Begining…

Once you have learned you have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, you find relief for a split second. You have a diagnosis. Then complete fear as you realize, you have no idea what this diagnosis means? Fibromyalgia Syndrome, a chronic disease. This is where we all separate on our individual paths on our journeys through the ups…

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Before I Tripped Over a Stone, Fridays, #10

I was working as a Psychiatric Technician in the late 1980’s. You can refer back to my posts by following Before I Tripped Over a Stone, Fridays. One thing I need to mention… The patients were being cared for by psychiatrists, psychiatric nurses, and certified therapists. The psychiatric technicians (like me) were responsible for getting patients…

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Before I tripped Over a Stone, #9

I am working as a Psychiatric Technician on an adolescent crisis unit. Previous posts on this subject are as follows: Before I Tripped Over a Stone, Fridays, #8 Before I tripped OVera Stone, Fridays, #7 Before I Tripped Overa Stone, Fridays, #6 It was on the 5th day After “N” was released I was reporting for…

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Before I Tripped Over a Stone, Fridays #7

(We are continuing from last weeks entry Before I Tripped Over a Stone, Fridays 6.) I have taken a position as a Psychiatric Technician (psych tech) and was just removed from completing my first admission on the unit. I have been told to wait in the Unit Director’s office. As I’m sitting there, she comes in, looking furious, and says…

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Before I tripped over a Stone, Fridays, #5

I am terrified to tell this story. I reason that I am so ashamed that it even happened. There-in lies the problem…shame. I did nothing wrong. So I will finally tell my story and let it haunt me no more. Trigger Warning: sexual assault. I had taken a few years off of college after I completed…

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A Rant From Monday Night

It is 11:11PM, on a random Monday night. I am listening to my husband breath deeply as he sleeps. My dogs are sleeping near me, Dezzie at my feet and Dora is lying to my left. I am awake. Painfully awake! I know what is happening, I know what I need to do to make…

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Find Your Tribe

Over the weekend I received a message from a wonderful woman who wanted to purchase a few of my books. I was happy she was interested and began to get her information. Then she said to me, she had just lost her best friend to suicide because she was in so much pain and no…

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I Feel My Disease (the rough days)

The syndrome that is fibromyalgia is complicated. I research, try different ‘treatments’ and hope for the best… it never comes. The Best. I cannot find it. I feel my disease. My body reminds me with every step, reach, and stumble. Disease. Painful disease. I am angry right now. If it were not for Anger, I’d be…

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It Matters to Him

My husband was a bit more concerned about this last little patch of depression I went through… he can’t understand why I would ever doubt his love for me. He does know that depression is sneaky and it lies and that it is a disease that affects rational thinking. He knows it has to do with…

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