What Did You Say to Me? (Trigger Warning)



“I wish I had time for DIY stuff. If only I had the time to do what I WANT like you do. It must be nice.”



Really…?

Yep, this came at me again! Sheer stupidity or fundamental lack of understanding? I honestly do not know. I’m trying not to let it piss me off. I’m losing! Here comes a rant…


TRIGGER WARNING; RANT. STOP HERE.


So, yes, person(s). I have time to make shit and write shit. You don’t? Then maybe you need to excel at your job and not worry about what I get to do. That’s right. You do you, I’ll do me.

I was terminated (fired!) from my job for medical reasons. I did not decide to ‘just quit.’ I have a damn college degree! I had a career! I was a passenger in a stupid car accident that created this fibromyalgia, chronic pain, PTSD world I now live in. I didn’t seek it out, I didn’t ask for it. I can’t just think it away, or I would have…

I get disability ‘income.’ You think your taxes pay for my disability income? I paid into this system, too! Since I was fifteen years old, I have paid into the Social Security system. In fact, I’m still drawing FROM the real income I personally have paid into Social Security. I don’t answer to you. So I make shit and write shit.

Just for you, here is some added information you may want to consider. When you are in chronic pain, your brain is very busy with the task of pain management. It begins to act like a one-trick pony, forgetting it needs to manage more things than just pain. I write because it is mind work. I make things because it is mind work. I have to exercise my brain. I have to channel my mind away from pain… there is no cure for chronic pain.

Would you like to see my medical bills?

Would you like to read my diagnosis?

Would you like to pay for my medical expenses for one lousy month?

Be sure to let me know. I have it all! All the documentation your little heart desires. Yet, I still find the time to make shit and write shit! (I too, wish you “had time…”)

I hope you never have to experience what I have had to experience. I hope you never have time to make shit and write shit. Honestly, I do not wish even a moment of pain for you. My only hope is that you would get educated and watch your tongue until you are.

Finally… I want you to know I will never, EVER, even think of you again.

RANT over.

 

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52 comments

      1. I am 54 and I’ve had chronic daily pain since I was 10. I was told I would be in a wheelchair before the age of 30. I was told. I had a chiropractor push a garbage at me and tell me that’s where my FM diagnosis belonged. I’ve suffered. I have stayed at home from countless activities I wanted to attend because I didn’t want to publicly advertise the severity of my disability. I work full time as a Nurse. My husband is the only person in my world that knows that in order to hold a FT job I must sleep alot and basically do very little so that I can go back to work even remotely refreshed. I gave up the need to educate idiots a long time ago. Nobody gets to know my intimate struggles except certain family members. I’ve accepted the fact long ago that people in general will never fully know, nor could they remotely handle, my world. I needed to accept that over the years before I could fully look after my needs with kindness and self love. When haters hate…..they are only exposing their own deficiencies, their own imitations. That can be more crippling than having chronic pain itself.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. You were 10 when diagnosed with chronic pain? Oh, that is just way too young! Working takes everything away… I remember. You’re a nurse! I am so sorry to hear of your battle with fibro. It does get very tiring dealing with people! Those words, I agree, can be crippling. Thanks so much for sharing your story.😊

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  1. Damn! Somebody said something very stupid, and I hope it wasn’t someone who knows about your pain journey! What an asshat! I cannot even believe the ignorance! I can’t wait to hear who said this! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You handled their ignorance with a quality that far surpasses anything they will even comprehend… YAY You! Seriously Kim, many others would have just “taken” the comment and let it further degrade their health, the next step would be revenge or threats, and you didn’t go there (out loud at least) Another reason, I strive to fight like you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We seem to be living during a time when people say whatever makes them feel better without thinking it through, without thinking of wording it properly and without care. I also have fibromyalgia, chronic back and neck pain (amongst 30+ other combat disabilities) and people, in general, suck. First off, perhaps if they had a hobby or a better way to occupy their time they would find that they have less time to be concerned with how you live your life.

    Chronic pain, death and taxes, for some of us, are the very real things we are ‘sure’ about in this life. Wake up and *BAM* pain is there to greet you, stand up *kablam* pain is there to remind you that have to get up like a 90 year old, trying to walk *kablewey* you have to limp through it until all of the joints are properly ‘greased’ so you can begin to walk normally. Sitting down *Shabammy* pain shoots through your body after awhile, which means shorter nights out with friends and family. Trying to get into bed and get some sleep *poof* pains in places you didn’t have before. Fibromyalgia makes it very difficult to have others pat you or put their hands on you without wincing in pain. These are the things that are constant.
    My advice to those who feel it necessary to commit their own time to ensuring they stick their nose into my time: step away from minding the business of others and look and confront your own life, it is obvious they are deliberately focusing away from their own problems that they refuse to confront.

    Do you, be you and screw everyone else that has such a horrible life that they have to get concerned with what you are doing!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m not in any way stating this as if I know how you feel but…try to think ahead of some smart-ass responses (using your apparent wealth of unsolicited comments/advice) such as: “Well, all you need in order to have all this ‘time’ is exchange ease of movement for constant pain, freedom for dependency, and pride for humility” And then spread a great, big smile across your face with the knowledge that they are going to be happy either way.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You know… that is a great idea. You’re right! They’re going to be miserable anyway. Keep getting in my business… I’m going to have a snarky comment on hand. I’ll memorize it. I really like ease of movement for constant pain! Pride for humility, freedom for dependence. Dang! That’s really good! Thanks KC! I’m always ready to answer any questions but taking liberties to make me feel like an idiot??? Naw. That’s not happening. That’s over! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are welcome but feel free to ‘make it your own’.
        It’s easier said than done but,…if I can say one more thing, there’s a difference between someone saying something out of ignorance (out of ‘innocence’ – we ALL do this and don’t even realize it) and someone saying something to be mean or snarky (this comes from a more troubled place). Try to discern between the two – facial expression, body language, or reputation – before you reply; it would be a shame if you missed an opportunity to educate someone and, instead, made someone leery of approaching people or take a dislike to people who are different from themselves for fear of reproach. Been there…you won’t feel good about yourself either.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I definitely appreciate the sentiment. In my 50+ years, I’m pretty sure I can ascertain intent… sadly. After 20+ years with a chronic pain condition, I’ve heard it all. 😊 I do know the innocence of a flippant response, believe me, I don’t get upset very often. The passive aggressive individual claiming ignorance in a situation such as I found myself in, well, enough is enough. Anyone can say anything they like. The hard truth is then you will have to deal with the consequences of your words. Not many are ready to deal with those consequences that they, themselves, created. Thanks KC.

          Liked by 2 people

            1. My problem is my own self pity. Normally I,m a cheerful person and can rely on Norco if I have too. (So far) After the wonderful pain free days of a back epidural and steroid shots to my knees, the pain is back. And its allergy season, March, and I’m tired all the time. I’m A real bed potatoe.

              Liked by 2 people

  5. Have been told things like “I would like to stay home and get paid for that as well”. I always say “You would have to deal with all my medical issues as well. Do you want this?”
    So far, nobody wanted… I don’t know why 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jeeeees. Was this someone you know personally like ‘in real life’ or someone online? Either way, Kim, totally behind you on this one! Who on earth in their right mind would ‘choose’ a chronic illness life? You may bitch and moan about a job while you’ve got it but if you’re forced out of it, have your life pulled apart by illness and pain, you’ll wish for anything that you could have it all back. Being let go from my job really affected me mentally far more than I realised at the time or even care to admit now, it’s like my whole self worth was tied up in working and earning a wage and everything that came with it. A lot of the reason is because of society and idiots like this who make such inane judgements and comments.

    I actually find I don’t have time to do jack shit any more but what people don’t ‘get’ is how your time gets whittled down to nothing when you’re too poorly, so you get the basics done and there’s little time for much else. You need to do what is right for YOU with that time. Some will try to do small self employed things if they can’t access the benefits they should be entitled to (bloody system here in the UK is shit, too – but that’s another rant!) I do this now, trying to do online surveys and writing and it takes forever and I earn peanuts. Literally not enough to cover groceries, so it’s just as well I’m not eating much lately. The time you have where you’re just able to move and function should hopefully be put to doing things that help your wellness, that distract you, that keep you going – whatever this is, whether it’s crafting, writing, baking, dressing your dog up in tutus and taking photos. Who cares. As you say, it’s bugger all to do with anyone else.

    Keep being awesome, Kim. You / I / we shouldn’t have to explain all of this to people, but at the same time you can’t let ignorance go because then things will never change.  ♥

    Caz xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Caz, you bet I’ll continue to do what is right for me! Thanks my friend!

      I get it totally with the job being ripped out from under you. It affects you. Deeply. It’s basically your identity! Who are you if you are not “I work for a living…” what is the first question you are asked at any social function? “What do you do?” It’s a toss up on how you answer. Being able to say, I’m a blogger… helps. A little. It’s something…

      Man, the time it takes to be sick! Yep, no understanding of that!

      The surveys. God. I did those for years. I maybe made enough for one load of groceries… after two years? Maybe three. I did surveys all day long! Except for breaks when my dogs needed to be dressed in their tutus for my social media photos! (Heh, heh! Too funny Caz!) you are right! We shouldn’t have to explain ourselves but we do… because we have to educate, we have to promote awareness. We have to deal with the ignorant so hopefully someone else doesn’t have to.

      Thank you my friend! 😊💜💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You go girl!
    I often ask my students “who should you worry about?” Because the answer is “Me” if people only worry about themselves life would be simpler. My philosophy is “You do you,Boo” But instead they spend time jealous of others even when they don’t have a full grasp or understanding of the circumstance. They think others have it easy because they can do shit. Not knowing there are reasons behind it.

    I had someone say “you and your husband are always taking off in your RV, must be nice!” Why yes it is. We saved and bought this vehicle to explore with each other. Unfortunately, lately it is my rest and recovery place to escape. The place where I sleep best away from my job and all the stressors. Instead of hiking and checking out the parks we go to I sit outside or lay in our bed so fatigued I can barely move. So yes, it is really effin nice to have a place where my body can collapse without everyone witnessing it.
    I find it sad that we as a society feel we have the right to judge and make snarky comments due to our petty jealousy and I securities.
    I am sorry you too suffer from this nasty disease. However, I am glad you can write shit and make shit as it helps many of us out here to understand we are not alone. Thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you tell your students “You do you, Boo.” Great philosophy. Jealousy. I never considered that. Now, after you mentioned it, it makes sense. I may seem to be living a life that affords me the time to write shit and make shit but the price I pay to do that, is steep.

      You and your hubby RV! We just became full timers… I find myself able to peacefully ‘implode in pain’ as well, without the added stress of witnesses. Hiking? Not possible. A leisurely walk around the RV Park? OK. That’s on a good day. I guess that’s the real price for being allowed to write shit and make shit, pain.

      Thank you so very much for your insightful comment!!! Much appreciated. 😊💫💝

      Liked by 1 person

      1. my favorite comment from an elderly lady during a bad week was: Why don’t you push yourself a little harder?”
        Its the pushing myself to do more that gets me into pain trouble. I do however feel so lazy and non pro~
        ductive.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. We are so quick to think the grass is greener over the fence, so quick to judge. Instead of, “It must be nice,” how much more helpful to say, “Tell me your story.” (In fact, “It must be nice” should be erased from our list of potential comments to people!) I’m very glad to have read your (well-earned!) rant here, to raise my understanding of fibromyalgia.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. 25 years into it and still getting stupid remarks! 🤦‍♀️. I had 3 days outside last month and on one of them, someone said to me ‘Oh that’s great! I’m so glad you’ve had those days out.’ Now, I know how she thought she meant it 🙄😂 but ….. when I said ‘Seriously?… You think having 3 days a month where you can go outside is a good thing?’ She looked a bit confused….. So, I gently (or, not so much lol) clarified my point for her with ‘Have you tried only being able to get outside 3 times in a month?’, she said ‘Yes. I have done.’ Now this young lady works full time outside the home and also has a brilliantly active social life – for this, I am truly happy for her. Our lives, however, are just not comparable. A mutual friend of ours that was also there and has some of the physical issues that I have (plus being that bit more able through having more energy – she’s still able to work full time) was absolutely howling with laughter (utter mare she is 😉🤣) at my face when I was trying to hold onto my last residue of patience in the face of such rampant stupidity. 🤦‍♀️🙄😳😂😂. Huge love at ya! Hoping for kinder days ahead ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😆😆😆 oh nooooo! Yes I can relate! First, the three days out… that sucks! (As you know.) I hope you take good care of yourself and just take those three days as a win. (Yep, still sucks tho!) It is absolutely crazy what still comes at us! Isn’t it just deflating? I mean, social anything is rare! Then we have to deal with situations such as you described. Thank you for sharing that story! The howling friend, too funny! 😆😆😆

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