I believe I am revisiting past physical trauma.
I am struggling with a flare. This makes sense as there are so many significant changes happening in my life (selling my home and moving while flaring!). But. This flare is eerily similar to those flares I had right after the car accident I was in. How am I to handle this? Has my body reverted to experiencing traumatic events by responding to how it used to? Emotionally this is a bit of a train wreck to try to deal with!
Am I revisiting trauma?
I have had my toolbox out and found my ability to Zentangle (a planned pattern that is repeated) is limited. I can set up one, but I cannot make the patterns the right way, my spacial judgment is off. Crossword puzzles are not an option at this point either. I can’t remember names of items I know, let alone come up with words I am not familiar with. I am unable to sleep for more than two consecutive hours due to pain waking me. I am taking rescue medication for pain and sleep, but it is not helping much.
Am I reverting to past behaviors because of trauma?
My husband looked at me yesterday and said, “I’m concerned.” I asked why, and he stated he hadn’t seen me take this amount of pain for this length of time. I responded that it was simply a fibromyalgia flare and that I could deal with this. He looked doubtful, walked out the door, popped his head back in, and said, “Keep fighting.”
Can I continue to fight this flare, at this intensity for much longer?
The short answer is yes. Of course, I can (and will) continue to fight. The worrisome part of this answer is how? I went back to basics. I got out my therapy belt, the Sympathetic Therapy System (STS) machine (the STS machine is no longer being manufactured, sorry) and the Epsom salt. I found my body pillow and my hot packs. I’m back to using popsicles and crushed ice to control my nausea and severe heartburn. I am taking my magnesium and my B12 shots… this will work, it has to.
I am experiencing a trauma-induced flare.
The rush to sell and pack, leaving the home I’ve known for the last fourteen years had an impact on me that I wouldn’t have guessed possible. It was traumatizing being in so much pain and having to continue the activity (packing and moving) that triggered it. But this is just a flare. This means although my pain is more intense, this is only temporary. I will come out of this flare by fighting each and every symptom it throws at me and managing them.