Revisiting Trauma?

I believe I am revisiting past physical trauma.

I am struggling with a flare. This makes sense as there are so many significant changes happening in my life (selling my home and moving while flaring!). But. This flare is eerily similar to those flares I had right after the car accident I was in. How am I to handle this? Has my body reverted to experiencing traumatic events by responding to how it used to? Emotionally this is a bit of a train wreck to try to deal with!

Am I revisiting trauma?

I have had my toolbox out and found my ability to Zentangle (a planned pattern that is repeated) is limited. I can set up one, but I cannot make the patterns the right way, my spacial judgment is off. Crossword puzzles are not an option at this point either. I can’t remember names of items I know, let alone come up with words I am not familiar with. I am unable to sleep for more than two consecutive hours due to pain waking me. I am taking rescue medication for pain and sleep, but it is not helping much.

Am I reverting to past behaviors because of trauma?

My husband looked at me yesterday and said, “I’m concerned.” I asked why, and he stated he hadn’t seen me take this amount of pain for this length of time. I responded that it was simply a fibromyalgia flare and that I could deal with this. He looked doubtful, walked out the door, popped his head back in, and said, “Keep fighting.”

Can I continue to fight this flare, at this intensity for much longer?

The short answer is yes. Of course, I can (and will) continue to fight. The worrisome part of this answer is how? I went back to basics. I got out my therapy belt, the Sympathetic Therapy System (STS) machine (the STS machine is no longer being manufactured, sorry) and the Epsom salt. I found my body pillow and my hot packs. I’m back to using popsicles and crushed ice to control my nausea and severe heartburn. I am taking my magnesium and my B12 shots… this will work, it has to.

I am experiencing a trauma-induced flare.

The rush to sell and pack, leaving the home I’ve known for the last fourteen years had an impact on me that I wouldn’t have guessed possible. It was traumatizing being in so much pain and having to continue the activity (packing and moving) that triggered it. But this is just a flare. This means although my pain is more intense, this is only temporary. I will come out of this flare by fighting each and every symptom it throws at me and managing them.

 

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34 comments

      1. I can feel your pain. Before I was diagnosed with aero-negative arthritis, I also had periods like these. Thank God, the treatment is working for me. There are many who don’t benefit from it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi… I’m really OK. I have just been experiencing this really weird flare. I haven’t had this deep pain for a long time. (Painful enough, but not this sharp.) I relied way to heavily on pain meds to simply function… Now I’m facing this flare head on. It will pass. Once we are settled I can just about guarentee this type of flare will rarely happen. This has been a lesson in perserverance for sure! x

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I have often wondered if trauma being revisited causes some of my flares as well. I believe trauma is definitely linked ‘somehow’ to chronic pain conditions. (figuring out ‘how’ or ‘why’ it is linked is the complicated part that I hesitate to make too many conclusions about!!) — particularly after a physical trauma like a car accident–so sorry that happened to you 😔 I subscribe to the theory ‘no one knows me… like me’ and ‘no one knows you…like you’ — so I love how you ‘keep fighting’ and have so many tools to get yourself out of a flare. That STS machine sounds interesting — never heard of one–too bad they aren’t made anymore?! And I also LOVE Epsom salt baths!! I also use magnesium lotion; it seems to help me a lot. Potassium and calcium supplements also help me with muscle type of pains. Hoping your pain lessens soon!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I absolutely agree! When I have to for example see a therapist and do cognitive work, revisiting trauma gets real. AND I flare… if I get super stressed… FLARE! Then there are those times that are traumatic, additional health problems, a death, a move and just like regular people there is stress but with our being sensitive with a chronic illness added on… we certainly can be physically and/or mentally re-traumatized! This move was very traumatic for me. I knew it was the right thing, but! I need to try the magnesium lotion. I use a tincture that helps a lot BUT I’ve been searching for a magnesium lotion! Potassium I could focus on a bit better! I have increased my calcium… no one is taking away my Epsom salts! Thank you so very much!😊🙌🏻

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, man, yup, that IS rough and I am truly sorry you are in pain. Flares suck!!! As far as a move being traumatic — you betcha!! (since I’m talking with a fellow midwesterner 🤣😇💕) — moving is SOOOO STRESSFUL! Pretty sure it’s considered one of the top five MOST stressful life events! (so be gentle on yourself –moving IS hard for everyone, and you are HUMAN after all)!! And then having Fibro is like the cherry on top of that stress sundae. 😔 And if you are anything like me, I am a weird mix of free spirit who doesn’t want to be tied down but yet needs to be VERY rooted to my spot too. And it would take me a while to find balance again. So I hope you take as LONG as you need to refresh, write and be creative (if it helps, if not– it’ll be there when the mood strikes you again), take as many baths and/or foot baths, with bubbles and epsom, as you can — and maybe just get caught up on Netflix (or whatever relaxes you) — until it passes. Resting well IS fighting when it comes to this junk.
        Magnesium tincture sounds like it’d be about the same as the lotion? Have heard others make their own, you should share the recipe sometime!! I am more mindful now of potassium intake (avocados, dairy products, bananas, pork, red meat, orange juice, melons) as it seems to really help with muscle ‘knots’ in my shoulders. I do take potassium supplements now and then too, but we need something like 4 grams a day and supplements are only 99 mg’s, so knowing what foods are high has helped me. I’ve heard of people who use a spoon of molasses in milk for mineralization. For me: watermelon is my preferred food currently — local melons are in season right now (potassi-yum!!). Pork also has an amazing mineral profile and I find that eating more of it helps me feel ‘better’ in general. If I really need a treat I sometimes splurge on the homegrown pork chops at farmer’s markets (the fat on those tastes better than butter!). Hugs and love to you friend!!!
        p.s. those jazzy green toenails of yours are too cute ❤️

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        1. Mid-westerner! Then we can call out the ugliness of the winter when everything is dead including our soul! Man, I can’t take another winter… that’s our goal, be gone before the snow! You are right, I think moving is in the top five! Death, divorce, debt, moving and…? Is it illness? Should be marriage!😂🤣😂 naw, I got very lucky in that department. I really am trying to rest! But with chronic pain, you know that’s not always easy but I’ll try. The magnesium tincture I take is already mixed but is a liquid, 10 drops in whatever you are drinking. I WISH I knew how to make it. I love to go and go when in the mood but the anxiety I’ve developed with this illness has practically made me a shut in. So, we sell and are buying an RV! There’s my free spirit, released once again! Molasses… yes! I’m very iron deficient, I was told to take molasses! Thank you for bringing that up! The info on the potassium is also new, I didn’t realize we needed THAT much! Whew… great to know! I’m a honey do melon lover myself! I love it with a sprinkle of chili powder on it! Yum. Of course a little cottage cheese too! I’m the small town girl with lots of farmers in the family! Any farmer grown meat is spectacular! Chops? The best!!! Cows are mean and kick you, pigs will eat you… especially the sows… I have no problem being a carnivore but I make sure my meat comes from a farmer. No commercial farms, ever! True story. Thank you so much! I’ve learned a few things and love learning. 😊💜

          Liked by 1 person

          1. That IS a good plan — get out of here in the winter!!! Good for YOU. It truly is NOT easy to rest with chronic pain. Ugh. I find if I can distract my mind off the pain I do trick myself into resting now and then, LOL. I think I was confusing magnesium tincture with magnesium oil (🤷🏻‍♀️) — I’ve heard of people making homemake magnesium oil — which you spray on your skin, or you can use magnesium lotion too, but it can be spendy, so I think that’s why people make homemade stuff (?). Getting some absorption in through the skin is helpful (the skin absorption is why epsom baths are so nice!!).
            Had to laugh at your summation of animals and why its ok to eat them!! Yes, you definitely do have some farm girl roots going on there 🤣🤣🤣

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Yes. $$$ incredible for all the extras! Supplements, vitamins, and minerals. I would make my own if I knew how. I really tried to become a vegetarian when I was younger, then my mom told me how disrespectful I was being to my relatives who were milk and beef farmers… and pig farmers… since then, I am proudly full carnivore (😂🤣😂) with a mission of purchasing only humanely raised meats. Truth! 😊

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  2. Oh Kim, I’m so sorry this flare is hanging on so ferociously. You’re one of the strongest people I know, and you’ll get through this. You’re smart to know what works for you and get back to the basics when you need too. I hope this loosens its grip on you soon sweet friend.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am not entirely surprised it happened. Moving is stressful as hell both physically and mentally. Every time I work at the new house for any length of time, which has been a lot lately, I pay for it for a few days, but it has to be done

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m sure you are on the hurting end of moving too, Steve! I did expect a flare to happen. I was prepared. But nothing to the magnitude and extent that this turned out to be! It is coming to an end though… you take care with your work on the new house and sale prep for the old. God, I can’t imagine! 💫

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Kim,
    As I was reading your words, the thought of PTSD kept screaming at me. I’ve not connected fibromyalgia and PTSD before now, but it all kind of makes sense in the damned little I know about either. Please don’t answer this now, this is for when you’re feeling better — right now, I just want you to know you are loved and supported and I’m and the rest of your tribe are sending lots of loving and good vibes/good juju to you, my friend! Close your eyes and picture each of us giving you lots of love, laughter and gentle hugs! Much restorative rest to you and/or a 5th of your favorite pain-killing libation if you can drink during this time. I know you have to be careful if you’re on strong meds right now. So maybe drinking isn’t a good idea. I just want you to feel better as soon as you can. Hugs, Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I loved your words… I feel much calmer. Thank you. I am on the tale end of this flare. I have used my favorite libation from time to time to assist with pain suppression! It works But has become another emergency tool in my toolbox so drinking is not the enjoyable social drink it used to be. (I have stories to tell you!) You are on the mark! Fibro and PTSD are strongly linked… I wrote a post on it if you care to read it, search PTSD and it’ll come up. But you are way ahead of the game, you’ve already had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. (Many more military persons are being diagnosed with Fibro as a result of their PTSD.) I’ll take the wonderful wishes you sent and the hugs! Thank you, my friend!😊💜💫

      Liked by 1 person

  4. With all the changes and all this stress, I guess a major flare was almost bound to happen. I’m just so sorry it’s so severe. You can do this, back to basics and baby steps, nourish yourself and hold on because it will ease.. sooner rather than later hopefully. I’ll be thinking of you lovely  ♥ xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: As the Crow Flies – Way Out West
  6. You are in serious flux right now. I recommend you listen to a podcast about a new way to put past traumas to bed for good, by changing the story you tell yourself about the traumatizing event(s). Since you are a natural storyteller, I think this solution could be very effective for you. This short term therapy is called CPT. Here’s a link. I have high hopes CPT will works for you, as it has for other brave souls. Feel better! https://www.thisamericanlife.org/682/ten-sessions

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very interesting. I have never heard of this so although I hesitate to revert to a theraputic theory, however short term, I will take time to research and probably try a podcast or two. I have legitamately been diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD, so I must check with my therapist to see if this is a safe endevor. My thought would be yes, probably! Thanks so much for this resource. ~Kim

      Liked by 1 person

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