Have You Ever Been Happy Sad?

Does this make sense? Have you ever been happy and sad at the same time? Happily sad? Thinking of memories, some make you sad, but you are still happy to have these memories. That’s where I find myself at this moment. I am happy sad…

Currently, I am at our family lake home. This is my Dad’s homestead. Now it’s been passed to his children, I’m one of five living siblings. I do have two other brothers who have passed on. One I didn’t know, born before me, stillborn. One died at the age of 37. The 37-year-old was in the Army, single, his death benefits came to our family. He wanted this money to be used to build a house on my dad’s property that we could all enjoy, and gather as a family. His dream came to fruition and our lake house has a bedroom for each of us, including a sixth in his memory. It was a happy sad moment upon completion. Sometimes still is.

Saturday, we toured assisted living facilities with my parents. [Happy sad.] I was watching my parent’s worried looks as we started the first tour. But they relaxed, both having visited relatives and friends at these facilities. They were familiar with the sites but didn’t believe they may one day be residents.

We were treated to lunch after our tour at the first facility by the program director. This facility was like a small city under one roof! There were two restaurants, a hair salon, a heated pool, a post office, a movie theatre, a work out facility, a boxing gym, pool tables, a library, therapists and trainers on site… amazing. After we had ordered our food, my dad and I were sitting together and he explained to me that although this was nice, he had the farm… the lake house we owned as a family. [Happy sad.] I had to explain that he would always have that, but mom was in poor health. The facts pointed to sooner rather than later, she would need a nurse. My dad, as healthy as he was, would not need medical care but he needed to get mom the care she would need. [Just sad.]

We toured the others, then headed to Dairy Queen! [Just Happy!]

We dropped off our parents at their townhome to rest, but it wasn’t long before they joined us at the lake house. I couldn’t remember the last time I was with all of my siblings and my parents at the same time. [Happy sad.] We had an evening of laughter, serious discussion, and more laughter. I was very aware that these gatherings were becoming very rare and would eventually come to an end.

Life changes. Circumstances change. Health declines. Being present, in these rare beautiful moments, is the only way you can keep them … in your heart. Time marches on. No matter how hard we try to slow things down, Father Time keeps the clocks wound. You can’t cheat time. Beautiful moments happen in real time be they ever so fleeting. [Happy sad.]

img_0992-2~Kim

40 comments

  1. Cherish, my friend, and take lots of pictures. I feel that way (happy, sad) every time I’m with what’s left of our family, too! I don’t want it to end. I also wonder at what moment everything changed. I could easily say it was the week before Mom died; but there have been changes since then, as well. If ever life felt so fleeting, it is now. Big hugs to you, Kim! I’m glad y’all have the lakehouse. I’m also glad that your parents are preparing for the future. 🙂 Mona

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That s something I don’t do enough of, pictures. I do cherish this time, I’m happy we are together and sad that this ‘time’ is just going to go away. It’s no ones fault. There’s nothing that can be done about it… it’s life. (Mona, I am very sorry for the loss of your mom, I can empathize but I will not know your pain until I experience the loss of a parent. I am truly sorry for your loss.) so we go on, eh? Feeling Happy Sad… cherishing the time we have. Thank you Mona, thank you so much!💜

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  2. I get it, Happy Sad. I feel it every time I visit Margret (Stuart’s dad’s wife) in long term care. She doesn’t remember us. She doesn’t remember a lot. (sad) But she remembers his dad.(happy) She enjoys some of the time we spend together. (Happy sad) It’s hard. She’s also declining in physical health, (very sad). But she is such a dear, and she still loves John so, it is so evident in her eyes. The have only been married or 8 years, they said she would lose her memory from the most recent things first, but she’s forgetting her children (very sad) but she still remembers John. (happy).
    I hope things work out well with your parents. I love the sound of your lake house. and taking each of those moments as they come. I’ve learned that’s all we can do with Margaret. Help her to enjoy the moment, it doesn’t matter if she knows who we are. (happy sad)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wen, that is definitely happy sad. Exactly what I hoped to hear, not that it’s a great feeling but happy sad but we do! On many occasions. I remember you talking about Stuart’s dads wife that you visit. Margret. 💜

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  3. You’re right Kim, time marches on, for all of us. I can so relate to much of what you’ve written, happy/sad memories, fleeting moments that you know won’t come again. I often think back to my last years with mum but more importantly the happy tines we shared before it all changed. We never know what’s around the corner but we can sure make the most of today. Cherish them all and keep building that bank of beautiful memories. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you xx

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  4. This is beautiful, Kim, and such a precious time, even though it may not always seem like it. The fact that you kids are helping your parents to explore and make the transition that they need to make has to mean a lot to them. There are so many people who just end up having to go to the only place that will take them without the support of family. Your parents are truly blessed to have you guys. Cherish these moments, whether they’re happy, sad, or happy/sad. Sending hugs your way.

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  5. I understand all too well. I don’t remember if I told you but my 10 year old shepherd has cancer and has entered the end of life prognosis that the doc gave. She is still having more good days than bad, but the bad are increasing. At least with our parents they can communicate their wishes and they trust you to carry them out. My heart is with you my friend

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  6. I can imagine that being so difficult for your parents, seeing these facilities as visitors but never imaging they’d be the ones in the position of potentially moving in there. I see my parents now and I sometimes still think of them as they used to be, younger, healthier, and sometimes it catches me by surprise that they’re 71 and have health problems of their own. Desperately wishing you could turn back the clock does no good. Sometimes it’s hard not to want to try anyway. Happy sad is bittersweet. Hugs to you dear friend 🌹xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hugs received. Thank you, Caz. It is a feeling that stops you dead in your tracks at times… so many memories! The reality hits you out of the blue. Even though I know they will be cared for and safe, I hope they remember to be happy… that’s what I hope for.💜

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  7. There’s a comfort in bittersweetness. There are those who may tell you that living in the moment is the only way to truly live, and I do not disagree, however, being cognizant that these days will begin to dwindle can certainly make you appreciate them now and curb the amount of regrets later. I understand happy / sad: that sweet ache that is just this side of grief, yet in some strange way gives comfort. Although there must have been frustration with, 8?, adult opinions, how joyful that you are able to take this journey together.

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    1. You nailed it. Your whole comment, yes! We do not always agree… the siblings and my parent but we find a way in the end to at least agree to disagree. At times that is a very high tight rope to walk. Bittersweet, all of it. xo

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  8. Great post Kim! And great way of articulating that difficult to describe feeling. I can totally relate-my Parents went into Assisted Living three years ago. Sadly, it didn’t go well for my Siblings and I-so I’m really happy to hear how this is progressing in a much more positive way for you and your family. It’s totally an adjustment!! I’m so sorry for the loss of your Brothers, but the lake house is a really beautiful tribute to the one and his memory. As you said, the happy memories your making will stick with you. Thanks Kim!! ❤️ Stace

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    1. I appreciate YOU Stace! I hope we are doing right by our parents. I’ve fought off and on with my siblings and have just missed so much time with them due to this damn fibro and it’s freaky little pals. This will be a difficult adjustment. I hope we built a solid ship and can weather this storm together. My brother Kory’s memory is secure, and celebrated! He now lies next to baby Kelan. Both are forever in our hearts!💝

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      1. It’s a really tough thing to go through, Kim. In many ways, my Parents are much better off, but my Mom misses her home terribly and has had a tough time adjusting. My Dad loves it. It’s really hard for everyone involved. I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts. HA!!! Freaky little pals. Hysterical!!! That’s a great way to express the gagillion things that accompany Fibro!! 😂

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  9. Is the assisted living facility for both your parents or just your Mom? I think they would both be happier if they were together, regardless if one doesn’t really need it yet. A home health nurse might be more cost-effective though. And yeah, I get the happy/sad thing. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but it still does on occasion. Bittersweet moments

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    1. Yes, we’ve tried the home health care route… they live in a very small town, the pickings are slim and it did not go well, at all. Bummed about it. Bad deal. They would go together. I don’t think my dad would make it one day without my mom and visa versa. They definitely will go together, whenever they are ready to make a move into a facility. We certainly aren’t going to push. Thanks, Steve.

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