Trigger Warning: The Husband Speaks

We (the hubby and I) begin simply enough in the bedroom… on weekends we watch movies in bed. Popcorn, puffy pillows and two massive smelly dogs happily snoring at our feet. I was telling him I wanted to interview him for a post about the healthy ‘partner’ living with a chronically ill loved one. I explained when one person gets a chronic illness, there is a very high divorce rate. He was reluctant, and I was insistent. What started as an interview turned into me writing as rapidly as I could! Jeff had powerful feelings on this matter…

Kim: Ok, honey, let’s just start with why did you pick me when you knew I was chronically ill?

Jeff: Everybody comes with something. Whether it’s a weird sexual preference, maybe they like being slapped around? [Kim gasps.] I don’t know! But everyone comes with something. That’s ultimately the truth. When I got you, I thought I knew beforehand what I’d be dealing with, but it was so much more. I made sure I was all in before we said our vows.

Kim: Why do you stay?

Jeff: That’s not the right question. Why don’t THEY stay? What the f*ck is wrong with them? [Jeff is now pacing the room.] You get married and promise to love this person, then you bail? What’s that about?!?!

If you are not growing, as a couple, then what is the point? Obviously, that person stopped maturing. WHY?!?! Did you take the same vows I did? For better or worse. I meant it. I just don’t get it… bailing.

Kim: Alright love, let’s go back. You just found out I had Fibromyalgia Syndrome. What did you think?

Jeff: You were in trouble. Here is my life long friend and you are in deep trouble. I wanted to help you, there was no question. But, was I in love enough with you to marry you? I mean, we loved each other. There is a love between friends, and then there is the passionate love. You’d like both, but you have to separate the two. I was trying to decide if I was going to be your friend or your lover? Did I want to be both? 

It’s like seeing a car wreck.

Kim: Now I’m a car wreck?

Jeff: You aren’t the wreck, this is the only way I can think to explain. Hey! You wanted me to answer questions.

Kim: Right, go ahead, I’m sorry I interrupted.

Jeff: It’s like seeing a car wreck and you have to decide to stop and help or not. I am going to stop and help! This is who I am. There is no question, it’s a given.

I made a decision to commit to you, to us. It isn’t about ‘you’ getting this diagnosis. We both got the diagnosis! I was the one who signed up for this! I mean, to come home and sit in your lazy boy because you put in your time at work and do nothing all evening? You do nothing for your spouse? You are in a relationship! This is not OK!

I understand divorce. I do. One partner matured the other didn’t. They didn’t work on it together, they didn’t grow as a unit. It’s like getting your driver’s license. You have to work at it. Are you going to give up because it’s hard or do you want to be able to drive that car? Work at it! Learn it.

I’m not a quitter. Never have been ain’t gonna happen! I may be tempted or dissuaded, but I am not a quitter.

If they thought going into a marriage that it was going to be all rosy I’ve got news for them, it’s not. Does anyone even stop to even conceptualize the reality of spending your life with another person? Where’s the common sense? You’re an idiot!

Kim: Maybe you should be a marriage counselor?

Jeff: It’s like signing a 30-year mortgage, you aren’t getting out in year six when shit starts falling apart in your house. Either you are in, or you are out. Who in their right mind thinks everything is going to stay the same? Really. That’s the question.

Kim: Well, okay then! Thanks for participating in this weeks blog post.

Jeff: I was forced!

Kim: Happy wife, happy life.

Jeff: More should pay attention to such things.

~~~

A lifetime doesn’t seem long enough with this man…

 

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42 comments

    1. Absolutely. I love him more than I love myself. I am not always nice, but I apologize right away. He accepts. Iโ€™m working on it every day. โ€œLove is an inexact science.โ€ You are completely right! Thanks John!

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  1. Jeff sounds like one hell of a guy!

    (and I’m not just saying that because he likes my Sunday responses ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

    If there’s one thing I know for sure it is that a good man and a good woman stay together; ain’t no reason for anything else. And since you’ve set forth this thesis that concludes without a shadow of a doubt that Jeff is a good man, I must then conclude that you, Kim, are a good woman.

    (I may have already known that. ๐Ÿ˜)

    My analysis then must conclude with the assertion that you two are meant to be and will last a lifetime and beyond.

    No charge for the session. First one’s always free. ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Amen, Brother Tom! Your reasoning is sound, I think anyways!๐Ÿ˜‰ My hubby is a good man, bottom line. His mama raised him right. I think you 2 would get along fabulously! Iโ€™ll hang out by the beer fridge… hell, life is good, eh? And the next should be stellar! Thanks, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow Kim. This blew me away. I have settled and compromised myself for years with my soon to be ex. Your relationship is founded on solid principles of love and security. I want that so badly. I pray my new love is on this same page – grow together and what effects one effects the other. I keep saying we are a team and thatโ€™s what I mean, but the two of you said it so much more eloquently. I love you both!
    ~ Tamara

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My hubby is a very strong willed man. Heโ€™s a thinker and lives by a very traditional set of rules… including taking care of his wife, in every way. His father is the same with Jeffโ€™s mom as is his brother with his wife. Jeffโ€™s sisters are married to terrific men too. I married into a great family and receive so much love and support. I so hope you find this kind of love… I hope you are receiving it with your new man. Because if you arenโ€™t, it really is out there! And it will find your beautiful soul!!! ๐Ÿ’œ

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  3. You are a lucky gal. And I am a luck guy because my K and your hubby sound like two peas in a pod. You should consider having him write a guest post on your blog. My K did that once and I am sure she will have a lot more to say once we are done with t his house thing.,

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So sweet. i love your husband’s outlook and loyalty. And he makes an excellent point about marriage – it’s a commitment. If people aren’t in it for the long haul, no one is forcing them to get married. It’s a choice, and one people should take more seriously!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely. I donโ€™t know if I took it as seriously as he did. I mean getting a mortgage was so much scarier to me! But we need to make our marriages our number one priority but so often we get lost. It definitely takes both partners to make a marriage successful!

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  5. You didnโ€™t seriously write all of this as it was being spoken did you? Thatโ€™s impressive! I think maybe a dictaphone and type it up later would be better if you interview Jeff again!
    Kim, I think youโ€™ve had an adverse effect with this postโ€ฆ I think Iโ€™m falling in love with your husband! Hahah. Heโ€™s such a good egg ๐Ÿ˜‰ And I applaud his honesty. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly I tried to hit record on my phone… but it didnโ€™t work! I have mentioned how much I adore you Caz, I told Jeff I wanted you to be my โ€˜sister wifeโ€™!!! I swear I did! Haha Haha! So your comment is hysterical! Sadly, Jeff admits he can only handle one wife… and the fact we donโ€™t practice polygamy is a big disadvantage. Darn it! ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What a powerful post, Kim. Thank you!! I love his matter of fact answers and strong opinions. It takes a very special man to support us (both mentally and physically) and help us live life, better, with these debilitating illnesses. โค๏ธ๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

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