After I Tripped; The Rescue (Friday Series #8)

The strangest thing about fibromyalgia is the progression of symptoms. After the first few years, you start getting worse, not better. Your world closes in until it is just you and your disease. You lose your job, your independence, your identity. Your social circle evaporates. You no longer have the strength to fight for yourself.

I honestly thought of stopping all the pain. I was searching for a feeling of control. Any way I could. Ending my life seemed to be my last chance at being able to control anything!  I had every detail planned. I was prepared. I felt confident in my ability to carry out my suicide. A phone call interrupted my irrational plan. A simple phone call… when I think of the pain I would have caused my loved ones, I am humiliated.


Trigger Warning! You can read my post about the evening I planned to carry out my own suicide in 2001 after I was “medically released” from my job here: The Alice Cooper Lesson. I have no desire to write down the details again in this post. I have no desire to relive it. You may not either.


It was July 2001 when my father called me. He didn’t ask, he told me to pack a bag because my sister would be flying in the next day to get me. She would accompany me back to Minnesota. I couldn’t believe it. “What?!?!” My parents had ‘threatened’ this action before, but I was always able to talk them out of it. Not this time. The phone clicked, he had just hung up! There was no time for a rebuttal. What I didn’t know was that two of my friends had contacted my parents and told them I was not doing well. They believed I needed to be rescued. I believe they were right.

I wish I could describe my dad to you in a way that you could know him. I believe all little girls love their dads. Everyone thinks their dad is a special one. I am no different. I hit the lottery with mine. I have never had a cross word with my dad. I have never wondered if he loved me. I have never questioned his authority. I know he loved me from the moment I was born, but I have loved him my entire life! Both of my parents were very good at raising kids, there were 6 of us kids to handle! As adults, we have all learned to become friends, we may have disagreements but we are fiercely protective of each other.

“B” was enraged as I packed a bag, got into my car and drove away. I picked up my sister at the airport, and we began the long drive back to Minnesota. This was the same drive I had made only 5 years prior when life seemed to have unlimited possibilities. It took us three days to make the drive. When we crossed the Minnesota state line, I crumbled. All of the fear, anger, pain, and regret surfaced. I gave in, felt it all, and sobbed.

I lost everything…

(To be continued.)

IMG_0462~Kim

36 comments

  1. I’m also so grateful you received that phone call Kim. What a great family you have. I love the way you describe your relationship with your Dad. Thank you for this series. Can’t wait to hear what’s next…..
    Love you….. ~T

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The least-appreciated Pink Floyd album of all time, and my favorite, is “The Final Cut.” There is a section in the title song where the character in the song is contemplating the end “and just then the phone rang … I never had the nerve to make the final cut…”

    Roger Waters emphasizes the last word in that inimitable Roger Waters way.

    Also, I am finally reading “To Kill A Mockingbird” and everything I have ever heard about Atticus Finch is true, and he sounds like your pop. A true hero and inspiration and the kind of man we should all strive to be.

    I am overjoyed to be reading this today, Kim. Because that means you wrote it. Much love, sister, then, now, and always. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe. Tom. I sincerely appreciate your comments. And I sincerely appreciate you. (I have not heard that Pink Floyd song, sounds earily familiar.) I am so glad you are in my Tribe. I know you are a good man, just like my dad and Mr. Finch! I haven’t read To Kill a Mocking Bird. Let me know if I should put that on my list. Thanks again my friend. Big Hug!~k.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve started it twenty times in my life, as it is on every list of “best fiction ever.” I tended to set it down after a few pages, saying “it definitely shows promise,” and then move on to Csikszentmihalyi or Campbell or Harari. But this year I came in with a new “reading plan” and I’ll be damned if I ain’t running through pages like never before.

        The short of it? I’m glad I finally committed to it. Reckon it deserves the praise!

        Liked by 1 person

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