So it happened. In April of 2001, I was called into the head office and “medically released from my position.” I had been struggling through daily pain to maintain my employment for almost three years.
I had been the sole provider for “B,” myself, and his daughter who stayed weekends with us. Now, what the hell were we going to do? I was still receiving long term disability compensation from my ‘former’ employer, but it wouldn’t last forever. “B” received some disability payments. He did receive a small insurance compensation sum for his injuries in the car accident. “B” had checked out, any money he received went up in smoke, quite literally.
I went to a temp agency against my doctor’s and my lawyer’s wishes. I flunked the stupid typing test. (What the hell? I can type!) No temp work for me with that agency. I enrolled in a writing class, I had an idea for a fiction book and thought this may be the time to change professions. I made it to three classes, I was more confused every time I completed a class! This was not working. I was losing my ability to comprehend written material. There was no way I could write it.
I was in complete pain every minute of every day. I was exhausted and experiencing, what I would later learn was a cognitive fog. I had trouble remembering where I was going and often ended up driving around Seattle completely lost. I usually went on bike rides with “B’s” daughter. I would get on that bike, think I was going straight but would end up in the ditch. I could no longer balance a bike. I was getting worse, not better.
No job. No prospects. No diagnosis. A permanently high fiancé. A needy 12-year-old. This was the first time I could remember not having a paying job. Even as a young girl I worked in my parent’s store. My Dad showed me how to fill in a time card, and I would turn that into him every Friday. Now I had trouble getting dressed. I was not fit to work anywhere!
I was worthless. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was utterly alone and afraid…
The day would come when I was ‘rescued.’ I wasn’t aware I need rescuing, but I did. That is a story for next Friday.