Just Me.

It’s been awhile since I just sat down and wrote. No research, no posts promoting other bloggers, no words that rhyme, nothing, just me.

Just, plain, old, me.

I don’t understand how a comment without a ‘like’ matters in the grand scheme of things. If you don’t write ‘fuck’ in your piece, it is not that good. If there is no trauma, especially childhood trauma, to expose you are not an inspirational blogger.

No Drama = Dull.

I remember when I started blogging. I couldn’t wait to let my story spill out through the keyboard! It was absolutely magical when people would comment on my latest piece, respond to me! I had weeks of blogs pent up, ready to be “published” at a moments notice. I was hungry for the interaction. Petrified my post would not be well received and high on the idea, “I” may be able to help someone.

What a mind ‘fuck.’

The truth is, I am a chronically ill blogger who is getting worse, not better. ‘Likes’ and comments, or lack of either, positive and negative effect me. Research, I believe, is important. Words that rhyme is better left to others as is all formats of intentional prose. I do like to promote other bloggers that I find speak to me, enlighten me. I know using the word ‘fuck’ is a poor command of the English language, a cop out that I have used in the past.

I’m a blogger.

I wonder if I have hit a state of the sophomore blues? Some things don’t come out right. The reality of my freshman year is authentic; successes and fails. Maybe blogging isn’t for me? I know chronic illness isn’t really my bag, I suck at it. I am half way through my sophomore year of blogging. It is time to take out a mirror and re-visit my purpose for this blog.

Is my intent pure?

Are my words positive?

Am I a blogger worth reading?

Sometimes, I wish I were 21 again. At 21 years of age, ‘I knew it all.’ I was so sure of myself! My purpose and goals… what a joke. Oh! I knew it all when I was in my twenties. The only thing I know for sure now is that I do not know much.

But.

I am willing to learn.

~Kim