I Need to Find the Entrance.

Its been a very difficult time, I am not going to lie. I am trying to find an exit. No. I am desperately trying to find an entrance (that’s it). I need to re-enter my life again. I need to function as a whole person; wife, sister, daughter, friend … I am struggling, but I am trying.

Since the first week of June, I have been flaring. Not an intense, painful, monster flare (like I am used to). No, this one is different. It is an aggravating, irritating, lingering, foggy episode of uncomfortableness and aching that I just can not get to stop! It will not get better! It will not stop. Why can’t I just get through this flare?

I am short-tempered and crabby. I hurt constantly. I am foggy and searching for direction. I am angry and confused … What the hell is going on with me? I can’t sleep, I can’t cry, I can’t even string a sentence together at times! I can not get comfortable! I feel like someone has literally pulled the skin off my body and all the flesh underneath is exposed. I am scared.

The only constant with fibromyalgia is change. If we don’t like how we are feeling, we wait ten minutes, it’ll change. When we like how we are feeling? Wait ten minutes … Well, I’ve been waiting a month! Is this my new ‘normal?’ This can not be!!!

So what do we do when we are experiencing symptoms? We call our peeps! We check in. We try to find out if anyone else has suffered through this anomaly? What was your last flare like? Ever had anything like this? We can usually count on one or two of our peeps to say, “oh, yep! Been THERE!” This time crickets. I could find no one experiencing the same kind of symptoms for this length of time, ever.

We take inventory. Food not expired. H2O, yes, hydrated. Bathroom habits, nothing’s really changed. Medication? Taking it on time, as scheduled … wait! Medication! One change in medication … when was that? May29th. I had a medication change, May 29th! A new medication was added on May 29th! Well, I’ll be … I think most of you read about my recent hallucinatory episode. A terrifying experience, but an episode that made me start reviewing my history! One little pill. A medication added for Restless Legs Syndrome. That, my friends, is the culprit!

I went off that ‘new’ medication. I am now dealing with increased bouts of restless legs, pain, and insomnia. But. I got off that intrusive, irritating, time-stealing, mental thief of a medication! I see my doctor in about eleven hours from now. We will be discussing my medication.

We must always take note of new medications. I am guilty of not following through on the first piece of medical advice I ever received and pass along this wise information;

“Know why you are taking a medication and what that medication should be doing for you! Know when you started it and what – if any – benefit or quality of life enhancement it is having on you. If you are experiencing side effects, taper off. If it is not doing anything for you, get off of it!”

Do you keep a medical journal?  How do you keep track of your medications?