Will You Fight for Me?

A while back I wrote about having to “make the dreaded call” to my doctor. Things were not going so well and I knew I was getting used to my medication. It just wasn’t working anymore. So, time for new medications that come complete with side effects. The first two weeks are the worst, tapering off one and getting up to the required dose of another. After having fibro for over 20 years, you would think I had this medication gig down pat. No. I don’t think I have ever had a smooth transition from one medication to the next.

Let’s recap a bit. I had about a three-week bought of severe depression, to the point my husband was afraid to leave me home alone even though I reassured him I would not harm myself. My fibro flared, I felt as if all the skin had been peeled off my body exposing every nerve, and to top it off my restless legs decided to join the party! I could not sleep. Let’s just say April wasn’t my month.

The day the new medications arrived I began the process, taper off medication ‘A’ and begin medication ‘B’ while adding medication ‘C’. Ride the medication rollercoaster and try to stay away from innocent people because I have turned into a genuine wicked witch. But. The hubby is always within reach…

(Thank God I am married to an understanding man.)

Jeff. “How are you feeling?”

Me. “Like Crap.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

“How are you feeling?” 

“Like dying!” etc… on and on for two weeks.

Finally, one morning as I was sitting up in bed waiting for Jeff to bring me coffee, which he faithfully does every single morning, I mustered up the courage to tell him I was sorry. He handed me my coffee and crawled back into bed sipping on his own cup of coffee. He was telling me not to be sorry (which made me sorrier) and that we’ve been through worse and we’d get through as many medication changes as it took to get me back to feeling better.

“I’m so tired of being sick!”

“I know.”

“I don’t think I have any fight left, will you fight for me?”

“Honey, I’ve been fighting for you since the day I married you.”

“God, you have…!”

“Just think how far you’ve come since then.”

When we started dating I ‘pretended’ to be in pretty good health but the second night I spent at his house I woke up in a flare. He pulled out some sweats for me to wear, I put them on and slept the day away on his couch. He rented a movie for us that night Fools Rush In and made potato skins with three different dipping sauces. He pulled a little table over to the couch, placed a tablecloth on it and the potato skins with little appetizer plates. We ate and watched the movie. I knew I was in love with him from that night on. (It was the potato skins that won me over!) No, it was his gentle soul… his ability to care for me. The first year we were together I was awake for about four hours a day, otherwise, I slept. He helped me move in with him, and he took care of me as I did my best to fight to come out of the fatigue and be present for him. We married about a year after we started living together. He has never once stopped being my friend, my lover, and my partner in crime! I honestly get to say, “I married my best friend.”

It took us awhile to find each other again, we grew up together in the same small town. Our families were very close. Jeff remembers when I was born. We’d known each other our whole lives! But, we each went in separate directions for a while. We loved each other as friends do. Once we ended up in the same city again, we decided to try going out on a date… then another and we just never stopped. It took time to figure out we didn’t just love each other, but we were in love! We decided we were. We are! We know it is a happily ever after story with a few bumps and bruises called life.

We live by our wedding song, At Your Side by the Corrs. Kinda corny but we are a corny couple! Have a little listen!

October 9, 2004, Chapel in the Pines. We are leaving the chapel as Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Johnson! I can’t stop laughing I am so happy! And the Corrs are singing our song…


And still, close to 14 married years later… laughter!

IMG_4706~Kim and Jeff