I Forgive No One.

Forgive…

“I forgive you!”

Do you feel better? Do I? Depending on who you talk with, it may be helpful. Then again, it may not. I can promise you this, speaking the word ‘forgive’ is not an all-powerful, seeing the man behind the curtain, soul-renewing process. Who are you mad at? Who wronged you? I dare you to say, “I forgive you.”

No clap of thunder? No angelic music? Still mad? Still hurt?

When you are “wronged” you have been hurt. Hurt drives pain and pain drives anger. However, if you are hurt, and you decide to define the actions of the person who hurt you, there is no reason to re-live the event and feel the emotional pain of the actions that hurt you. You don’t have to emotionally grieve for the way you were wronged. You do not have to hold onto that anger, either.

None of it was your fault!

I define a person by what they show me about themselves. I can’t grant forgiveness. I don’t think it’s up to me, it is up to them and their God. I just don’t think it is my responsibility. I don’t believe I should have to re-live the emotional pain of what they did to me so they can feel better about themselves. To be entirely honest with you, I never forgive anyone.  I can move past issues and not dwell on them … but I never forget what the person who hurt me is capable of.

I can hear the wisdom of Oprah, “You are hanging on to the past, to forgive is to allow yourself to heal.” Maybe Oprah is right. I could have this all wrong. But for me, I chose my option.

I have been asked for my forgiveness, I respond with, “There is nothing to forgive.” Because I have put the incident in a file in my file cabinet under your name and that is where it will stay. I can refer back to what you did if I decide to ever trust you again. I will communicate with you and not avoid you, but I will never forget what you are capable of. If there are further altercations, you will not be welcome in my life.

A Fable for you…

There was once a woman who came across a rattlesnake by the river. It was almost frozen to death. She took the rattlesnake home and warmed it by the fire. When it was better, it bit her, and the poison she knew would kill her. She asked the rattlesnake why, after all the care she had given it, did it bite her? The rattlesnake replied, “I am a rattlesnake, that is what I do, I bite.”

Sometimes the people we meet in this world are just rattlesnakes. They bite, that is just what they do.

IMG_0204~Kim

45 comments

        1. I must say, I generally take the Kim approach of handling the snakes; I allow them around but stay wary of their venom. When they coil and hiss, however, I take a forked stick and trap them in them in the dirt until they settle, or pull their fangs out with a pair of pliers.

          Metaphorically, I mean. I hardly ever actually take a pair of pliers to anyone, anymore. 😉

          Liked by 3 people

  1. I don’t think you need to forgive everyone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try.
    not for them, for me.
    I don’t think forgiving is forgetting. I will never forget the wrong, but as you said, I can get past it.
    Getting past it is, my way of forgiving.
    When you get to the point where you can say, “there is nothing to forgive”, I think you have forgiven.
    that doesn’t mean forgetting. that doesn’t mean I’m okay if it happens again.
    to me, forgiving simply means, I’ve moved on, my heart is no longer heavy because of you.
    but that trust that was there, yeah, that will probably never come back. not totally.
    Often I forgive and let go. I don’t want them in my life, I’m not going to forget it, they will probably never know they were forgiven…I’ve let them go.
    When I can think about a person without angst, without my stomach getting all in knots, then I feel I have forgiven.
    that’s for me. Not them.
    I think we both have the same thoughts about this, I just think of forgiveness a little differently than you do.
    I do find that the hardest person to forgive a lot of the time, is myself.
    Now this is about bigger things, I forgive small things pretty easy. Everyone makes mistakes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Being able to think of a person without angst is the emotional key I would agree. This whole pedestal we place forgiveness on is nothing more than an opportunity for the one who damaged you to make themselves feel better. That is where I get off the bus. Maybe I’ve been asked one too many times to forgive someone and had the same thing happen over and over, I may be a bit jaded. I believe you make up your mind as to how you want to handle ‘forgiveness’ and whichever way makes YOU feel the most comfort is the right way to go about it. I do think we are very similar in the way we think these things through… its good to talk about the differences too. And as far as forgiving ourselves… that’s a whole new blog! HA. Thanks for the comments, Wen! ~Kim

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t know that I forgive…I definitely don’t forget, but eventually I have to let it go. Because I refuse to give any energy at all when they don’t deserve it. I don’t know what forgiveness I can offer, at the end of the day, the rattlesnake has to live with himself, nothing I can do to relieve guilt or shame. That’s on them.

    I love this post!! I enjoy how honest and straightforward you put it out there…thank you 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. The Rattlesnake Fable illustrates why people seldom change — they are who they are and they do what they do. But there was one low-life I knew who was an exception to the rule, always changing according to conditions. His name, as I recall, was Mr. Chameleon. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I totally get your point in this post and forgiving can be sooooo sooo hard when you have been hurt. But as you said why hang hang on to that pain and revitalise it time and time again and remain stuck some groundhog day of pain. No right minded person wants that, we want peace. That is what forgiveness is. They say forgive and forget. Why,? Well it has nothing to do with the other person , well a bit. It is about your peace if mind and moving on with life. Forgiveness. Is to let go of the pain. To fly free and not be trapped.

    Ps when we hold pain and resent and laminate on that pain we create a negative karmic bondage that means we enter a viscious cycle of pain with that person. Forgiveness is to let go and fly free. Forgivess is an act of kindness on you by yourself.

    I know it can be hard … because we are scared that fable will come true. Forgiveness doesnt mean you have to be best buddies with them. It is about breaking the bondage of pain we hold towards that person..

    I get what you say in this blig post and there was a time this how i felt. But with practise i realised the wisdom in letting go.. aka forgiveness. If forgiveness is a hard word then change it to letting go.
    Great post and totally valid .

    Sorry for the long ramble.. i might turn this into a future blog post on my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Kim, you know i get your post because a few years back i felt the same until i tried to change. Because in the spiritual classes i hear they to find peace there needs to be no waste or anger. To be able to meditate and connect to the divine this gets in the way. And until i tried to break the pain cycle i was exactly this post. But now i am better still a wip but sooo much lighter.

        Somethings click when the time is right..
        Hugs Bella

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Very well said Kim! This was so incredibly honest and real and I appreciate that about you! Forgiving is so much more than just saying it because how many people really mean it? I know most of the time I do not forgive as many times I have said it and that isn’t right on my part. It is just fake words. I love reading your posts and I love your thoughts on everything! You are a wonderful and amazing woman that I am so thankful to have gotten to know!!! The fable was very true and we have all experienced something very simple. Those that have done us wrong do not necessarily kill us, but damage us terribly. Thank you for this post Kim!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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