How Skilled Are You at Coping?

Death and taxes, the only two things we can count on in this life. What if there are more things we can rely on? For instance, being wounded, hurt, used, and even abused in some shape or form. Everyone I have ever talked to has known heartbreak, loss, and pain. Yes, there are varying degrees, there are also varying degrees of coping skills. The lack of coping skills has nothing to do with personality, education, or intellect. Coping skills develop through practice caused by incidents.

Something has to happen to you for you to develop the appropriate coping skills. 

In psychology, coping skills are defined as skills used to consciously solve personal and interpersonal problems. You are deliberately trying to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict.

However, the effectiveness of your coping skills depends on the type of stress, the individual, and the circumstance. Societal support structures are big influencers here.

I believe it was Weiten, a well known behavioral analyst who developed the following three forms of coping skills;

Appraisal-focused. You may alter your goals and values, distance yourself from the situation or deny it all together. Humor is often used to cope by deflecting the event.

Problem-focused. You take control of the situation, seek out information and evaluate the pros and cons. You work to get to the root of your problem.

Emotion-focused. Here come meditation and relaxation techniques. The flip side is releasing pent-up emotions; boxing, yelling, screaming, crying even laughing hysterically.

So, how are you currently coping? Is it working for you? Do you need some professional assistance? Can you change your behavior patterns yourself? OR are your coping skills firmly in place? Working quite well for you, because this too is a result, optimal at that!

I’ve only covered the tip of the iceberg… there are hundreds of coping mechanisms available out there. We just need to find what works best for us, individually. I hope this post gets you thinking about this. The more tricks we have, multiple coping skills being so essential, the better we will be able to handle the roadblocks we encounter on our individual journies.

Live your best life!



  1. This was another wonderful post Kim! Thank you so much for sharing this. I know the my coping mechanisms are not working as well as I wished they were. I tend to avoid conflict and ignore my real emotions, but you know that isn’t helpful at all. Allowing for all those negative emotions to constantly build is not healthy at all. I try to ignore things by reading or writing. One of my last posts about anger struck a nerve with one of those it was kind of directed to, but I do not think it really helped as I am still not able to speak to her. You are so incredibly strong and you really have inspired me in so many ways. I appreciate all of your posts and the communications we have had. You are more encouraging than you realize!!! Much love always!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes avoidance is a healthy choice! There are those energy vampires that you just must not allow into your bubble any longer… that is in itself is a coping skill that you may be utilizing without even knowing! Take care of YOU first my friend! xo~Kim


      1. Thank you so much Kim! I really needed that because I was feeling guilty for not talking to my mother. I have taken care of her and everyone else for so long and not I am finally taking a step back. It’s crazy that I am learning to take care of myself at 36. Thank you for all your support and wisdom ♡

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Positively Alyssa Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.