I was pondering the whole “grateful” thing. It is quite in fashion. There are grateful journals, grateful books, grateful Tuesdays… but there is a difference between being grateful and wanting more. That is what I call the ‘human drive.’ We are driven to do better, be better, live longer (while looking younger), we are “do-er’s!”
But we must find a balance. For me learning to balance is a daily battle. I have a hard time stepping back and enjoying this life I’ve worked to maintain with a chronic illness. I’ve worked to make it joyful and fulfilling. Having a chronic illness can take away your sense of self-worth especially when the things you worked years for… are taken from you in a matter of months.
I was raised to be a “do-er,” now I’m simply a survivor. But I am a survivor who has found purpose. I practice being grateful for my survival; my purpose, my life, my mental health, my husband, my best friend, my family, even my warm bed.
I almost quit a few times. I had to take the time to make things right with my body and soul. Then I chose to continue, and I practice being grateful. I practice finding the good in life. I also know when its time to crawl into bed, and play Wheel of Fortune on my iPad.
There is nothing wrong with having a ‘bad’ day. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Today I surrender.” Sometimes that is the healthiest option you have. Then, when the worst is over, get back up and start again.
As a Fibromyalgia Warrior, You learn to pick your battles. Don’t worry about the small stuff, and prepare only for the war. The war on surviving your disease. If this means you are not grateful every day, then that is OK. Your goal is to be OK and practice being grateful for the majority of your days. The flare days are rotten and unfair! That is just the reality we face.
Accepting the reality of what we face brings about a form of grace that we can be grateful for.