There are times when I am in a considerable amount of pain. My fibro flare is in full force, and the fog is pounding in my head. Every movement causes pain! My back feels as if it is coming apart at the spine, disc by disc… I should not be held accountable for my words or actions! This would be a ‘pain pass’ or something, right? WRONG.
We do not get a ‘pain pass’ to treat others poorly. EVER. Yes, we are in pain, and it may be an absurd amount of pain! We do not get to snap at whoever is closest because we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Brain fog does not cause verbal abuse. Nope, never proven. Having a flare of pain with fog is not a ‘pain pass’ for our own nasty behavior. Having a depression flare doesn’t grant a pass for rudeness either. We decide how we engage with those around us.
When is the last time you asked someone how they were doing with sincerity? This means not leading the conversation with “how are you?” just so you can answer with a laundry list of your problems.
I’m sorry you have a chronic disease. I’m sorry I have a chronic disease. But the world does not revolve around us! We must live in it.
I am not claiming innocence! I spent time figuring out where I was on this learning curve. I made up my mind to be present and aware of my interactions with others. This is a coping skill; learning to be prepared for those sick days. Saying ‘sorry’ when you need to because you messed up is acceptable, you own it. Eventually, when you are flaring, you engage with an upfront apology because you need to excuse yourself for some alone time to manage your flare.
You decide, when you interact with another person, what message you will send. You are representing a community. The chronically ill community. You can make the encounter pleasant or unbelievably uncomfortable.
Represent our community with grace.
From one who learned…
~Kim
True story! It’s sad that there are people who have so much less on their plates and do not deal with physical pain etc, yet still think they are just entitled to an “I’m having a bad day pass”, and unleash their wrath on the world without thought of the consequences.
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Right! Just because your day sucks doesn’t mean my day has to! People believe being nasty is some form of personal expression that they are entitled to at the expense of others. Not okay.
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it is hard’
to interact when in such pain
been there twice
with my heart
it was to
bed
and sleep
the whole damn day
best wishes
for sure!
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A good choice, pain is hard, interactions go awry.
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yes they do
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You’re so right Kim. We do have a choice about how we interact with others. We may not be able to control our pain, and it’s easy to get cranky when we’re hurting, but that doesn’t give us the right to pass that pain on to others.
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I definitely had to learn… that old saying we hurt the ones we love… it is true if we are not conscious of our behavior. No pain pass! 😉
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Great post Kim! It definitely can be a struggle living with a chronic illness, especially when it causes us so much pain, but we all handle it so well. It can be really difficult dealing with people sometimes when we are dealing with that pain, but I do believe we all do the best we can! You are always so incredibly strong and wise!!! Always sending you much love and comfort!!!
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Effort. Just takes a little extra effort to be kind. Sometimes we just need space and that’s ok too! We definitely have a lot on our plate but we can be kind.
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Getting a little space is definitely very helpful!! I think it can make a huge difference and then it will be easier to be kind to others!!! I hope you had a good day and have a fantastic Wednesday!!!
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