The syndrome that is fibromyalgia is complicated. I research, try different ‘treatments’ and hope for the best… it never comes. The Best. I cannot find it. I feel my disease. My body reminds me with every step, reach, and stumble. Disease. Painful disease.
I am angry right now. If it were not for the anger, I’d be a puddle, on the floor sobbing. I am angry at this disease today. It is not to be ‘noticed’ by an onlooker and keeps me from doing most things I love. Worse, is not being believed therefore estranged. Left mostly alone, with my disease.
My chest hurts. Sometimes I think it is because my heart is breaking. It keeps beating. My heart isn’t breaking but with each beat, pain. Silence is too loud. Is my disease getting stronger? So I find angry again and convince myself not to feel the pain or my heart. I turn up the music to escape the silence.
I have these days when the disease wins, and that is just the way it is. It may have a day, maybe two, sometimes more but eventually, I leave anger and fight the disease back in its box. I return to the now. I search, hoping again for The Best. Stepping carefully, reaching tentatively, facing pain still. Reading. Writing. Trying. I feel my disease.
The syndrome that is fibromyalgia is complicated.
Better days are coming I say to myself, imperfect is fine because I understand that lie.
Some days are difficult, you must rest, and get back up! ~Kim