Life, Before I Tripped Over a Stone!

I have been writing this blog for about 15 months… my goal has always been to raise awareness about fibromyalgia, answer questions and bring any helpful tips I find to you! Recently, I have been asked to tell more personal stories. I don’t think I am that interesting but other people seem to? OK, about three people! Or was it four…

In response to the masses, I will start writing a little bit on Fridays about my life before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Just tales about me before I tripped over the fibromyalgia stone!

(Let me know if these off-topic stories are interesting to you?)

 


(Warning; Domestic Violence Content.)


 

In college, I was dating a guy who was sexy, passionate, funny and utterly involved in every aspect of my daily life. “R” knew my schedule better than I did. (That is a red flag, by the way.) ALL the girls wanted him, but he wanted me?!?! We dated for about a year, even took him home to meet the family for Thanksgiving. By the time I got out of that relationship I had a restraining order on him, an armed security guard escorting me from campus parking lots to class, and a cold heart.

I thought if I just could’ve figured out how to love him the right way? Yep. It was my fault! I deserved to be thrown into walls, pushed on the floor, verbally abused, and sexually abused. I wasn’t a virgin when I started dating him, so he let me know having sex just because I didn’t want it wasn’t rape. (He reminded me many times that I was, after all, a whore.)

Somehow I was entirely in love with him. I think I got so used to being in such an emotionally charged relationship. We were fighting or making love… there was no pause button. Every minute we spent together was like an adrenaline rush. I was completely his; mind, body and soul … he made sure I knew it!

After yet another harrowing domestic disturbance leading to “R” fighting with the officers, getting wrestled to the floor, getting cuffed and, getting taken to jail … one officer took the time to sit and talk with me. (I knew most of the officers by name now as they ‘visited’ us regularly.) He said this guy isn’t going to ever stop hurting you. He told me I needed to leave “R”. He said this guy is going to kill you! I knew what the officer was saying was true. I also knew I could not just leave “R”. He had told me many times that he would kill me and my family if I ever left him. He had said to me many times that would be my ending, and I had no doubt he was telling me the truth.

I thanked the kind police officer and said I knew what he was saying was true.

So I started driving across bridges, I was going to kill myself, making it look like an accident because I would never give “R” the satisfaction of knowing he drove me to suicide. Never! None of the bridges seemed high enough. I wasn’t sure if it’d just mess me up or what if it just paralyzed me? I’d be at his mercy then! I changed plans. I would buy a gun! Off him, then do me.

On my way to the gun store, I ended up at the women’s center on my college campus. How? To this day I do not know. I had never been there before. I walked in, and the woman at the desk came around it to me and said, “You’re safe here, you are safe.” ( I must have looked a fright!) Then I met the woman who’d change my life…

To be continued… Life, Before I Tripped Over the Stone, on Fridays.

IMG_0056~Kim

  • Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233
  • TTY 1-800-787-3224

 

28 comments

  1. You are brave and strong and totally amazing!!!!!!! Please keep sharing your stories Kim. I am at once heartbroken that you were brutalized and cheering for your strength and bravery. You don’t know what it is like unless you are in it and not everyone gets out, but you did!!!!! The more I learn about you, the more I admire and adore you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I will continue with my stories on Friday then… because it was a rough process, yes, I am stronger for it, but I wish I could save someone else from the same experience because you are so right, not everyone makes it out! Saddens me to my core.~kim

      Liked by 1 person

  2. LOVED this piece, Kim. Am incredibly saddened to know you suffered such pain and distress, but also know most of us stronger women have gone down some pretty rough roads. It does help others to know they are not alone, very much like your other blogs do. I, for one, am very interested to meet the “real” Kim and hope you will continue sharing many stories that helped shape you into the wonderfully amazing woman you are today. Totally inspirational in every way. I love the quote, “Out of darkness there is light”. Keep in keeping on Sister! Love you so much!!!
    ~ Tamara

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I got this! And yes, through the darkness… you are reading the real Kim on Fridays… good and bad. But you are right, these are the things that shape us. We either live through it and get stronger or don’t… life is not a dress rehearsal.

      Like

  3. So sad to read all these, dear Kim! Fortunately, you escaped and you are living far away from this nightmare! When we are young and naive, it’s so easy to “be trapped” by the worst people. My best girlfriend had the same problem in high school and it was so so so difficult :c… Fortunately, she escaped too…but she should had talked about this to her family and her friends immediately… You share a great message with your new Friday stories… keep on… Have a beautiful week ♥ ♥ ♥!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. WOW Kim I thank you for sharing this. As a child my mother was in a terribly abusive relationship. This man was horrible and harmed both of us more times than I can count. We stayed with him for 10 very long years until she finally left him. It was not until a year or so after we were away from him I told her all the terrible things he had done to me, but as a little girl I did not have the courage to go to court and face him. Unfortunately, this so called man ended up in another relationship with another little girl. I do not know anything else about it though. I do know he ended up getting killed on a motorcycle because he was drunk. I hate to say this, but it could not have happened to a more deserving person!
    Domestic violence is so real and it effects so many people. I wish there was more I could do to help the victims of these mean people. I do donate clothes and blankets to the shelter in my city.
    You are a very strong and amazing woman Kim and I am so thankful I have had the chance to get to know you! Sending you LOTS of love and comfort!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People have finally started talking about domestic violence, not only the adult being victimized but also the children. I worked for Region IV Council for Domestic Violence Survivors after escaping my dude… I worked mainly as a court advocate and went to court with the women to obtain restraining orders and I also worked in the shelter.

      Alyssa, those clothes you donate mean the world to these women, many leave in the middle of the night with nothing… we also move them at a moments notice if we think their abuser has the slightest knowledge of where they are at… I will be blogging about this but the abusers often bring phony charges against their victims too… we move them again! To a different county. Donations are incredibly important and toys! Oh man, toys for boys and girls… old cell phones too… you can still dial 911 on a cell phone and can’t be traced. Toiletries, too!

      I am so glad you and your mom got out and 10 years is too long! I’m so glad you are safe. You were a child. It was not your job to take on this man in court. Don’t ever, ever, think otherwise. You were a child, Alyssa. Keep those donations going! That is giving back more than you know! You are doing a great thing!~Kim

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much Kim. I do regret not going to court because he was around another little girl and I feel it would be my fault if he did the same things to her as he did to me. The only reason I felt it was my job is because the DA wanted him in jail. I just hope he didn’t!
        I will keep donating as much as I can because I really want to help. You are a fantastic person for working with the victims and helping them stay safe. I will never understand why men feel the need to harm women and children.
        I look forward to reading more of your posts. You are a courageous person and so helpful to SO many!!! Much Love, Kim!!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. “WHY” they do it is because they can. The system isn’t interested in ‘domestic’ altercations. Crimes against women and children are usually not punishable by more than a few months… used to be just a $ fine. ALSO, these men are mentally ill. They need help. And they can be taught not to be violent but they cannot return to the same partner because a pattern of abuse has already been established. You don’t know if that man touched the next little girl… again, D.A. or no… they had enough, just not the balls to prosecute. I’ve seen it many , MANY times. You are not to worry, again, you were a child. You and your mom getting out was the best thing you did! You did it!~Kim xo

          Liked by 1 person

        2. My mother stayed with him for horrible and selfish reasons, which I am sure you can guess what they were. I would go further into it, but it is hard to. I wish there was actual justice in this world but it seems to have been lost so long ago. I do not know how true this is, but I have heard that child molesters are not seen well in prison. Someday all these violent men will get what is coming to them. I do believe in karma.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. No. Child molesters are housed separately from the rest of the inmates. They are in secured units under protective custody. (We pay more for them to be housed.) Ah, Alyssa, we could go on for days about this. I may or may not know why your mom stayed. But not for sure. Maybe we will never know the real reason? It is a shame this behavior exists at all. The consequences were a joke. But there ARE some changes happening… and they are positive! And the law is starting to charge these guys without any testimony from the victim. The future is not bleak! Some real strides are happening because of the women who are standing up and saying NO MORE, our women advocates are fierce! I know, I was one! 😉 Got my head out of the sand and really fought back.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. You really are amazing. That’s horrible they are protected! Yes, we could chat about this for a long time. My mother is much better now, but drugs and alcohol made her a different person. It sounds crazy but I am a little thankful for all I went through as a child because it all made me stronger and extremely conservative. I am glad to hear the future is not bleak and that the victims of these so called men are standing up to say NO more! I am so glad you got away from that mean person from the past.

          Liked by 1 person

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