Rumored Role Reversals

Male and female role reversals? Yep! Nope! Well, maybe. It just depends…

The gender-neutral alibi comes into play here. We are not defined by our gender! Let’s reminisce …  The man is the breadwinner, and the woman is the homemaker, and we are in the early 1950’s. Face it, ladies, feminism happened. The one income family home ceased to exist. But what ‘rights’ we acquired (courtesy of feminism) in the big, dangerous Working World of Man was we had a paying job to go to. But the workload of the woman never changed in the home.

Don’t get me wrong, feminism has its upside. Women can vote, go to college, demand equal rights, and with great enthusiasm Mic Online reports as of 2017 women make 77 cents for every dollar earned by a man! (I don’t see a reason to celebrate that but, I guess that’s an outstanding statistic to mention?) Women can make their abusers, even if they are married to them, and rapists face criminal charges. (That is a bonus, I am serious.) Women can own land – oops that already happened in New Orleans during the antebellum period before the Civil War.

Let’s get on to the present, the woman now gets to go to work outside the home! Then she comes home and cleans the house, make meals, does the laundry and raises the children. Yes, we are players in the Working World of Man but was it worth it? Was it? I think, maybe yes, to some of it. I’ll leave the rest up to you to decide.

Rumored role reversals are running rampant in the world of chronic illness. And they are true. Gender roles are not only questioned, they downright do not exist! If you are going to maintain a relationship those generic female/male roles we used to live by are out!

I can no longer hold down a salaried job, grocery shop, cook, keep a clean house and get the laundry done. I am not physically able. My husband can do all of those things! He has in the past, he did two weeks ago when I had a flare, and he will do it again in the future because this little thing I have is a chronic pain disease!

My husband is a man’s man. He likes to work on cars and listen to loud music and watch westerns! He is also extremely intelligent. He watches business shows about stock trades and the FOREX market. He day trades and is a driver but has been taking courses to make him an even better trader. He also is setting up a planner for 2018 that will include his hours, what housework he will complete each day and a list of any additional tasks I need him to do…

I feel GUILTY! He says there is no room for guilt in our relationship, no one did anything wrong. I’m allowed to clean a room a day if I feel up to it. I am not allowed to do the laundry. I have a balance problem and falling down basement stairs with a basket of clothes in your hands is, I’ve been told, incredibly freaky to witness. I may cook one meal but no more power cooking like I used to do, and we should make meals together – he says! I order the groceries, pay the bills, and do our taxes. My husband has no desire to do those three things and has made that clear. I can handle this!

So, my husband will work two jobs (because one job is never enough to support two people) and take care of the majority of the household chores. I shall continue to try to be well enough to help him. I will order the groceries, and it should be noted that includes take-out! I will keep the books and do the taxes. Gender roles? Not in this house!

IMG_0221~Kim

 

19 comments

  1. Wow… this was encouraging and empowering to read! “Gender roles are not only questioned, they downright do not exist!” – spot on! So glad you hear that you and your husband negotiate the circumstances in ways that suit the both of you, which is how (in my opinion too) it should be! Love it Kim, thanks for sharing 🙂
    Caz x

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I sometimes feel guilty too, Kim. Hubby keeps reminding me I’m a mom and that I do great. Besides, there were times when the roles were reverse, he was at home jobless/working on and off while it was me who paid most of the bills. So, though we said once (and many times afterwards) for better and for worse, I can’t always shake this feeling that I could contribute more.
    Stupid, right?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No. Not stupid as well. I believe as women we want to nurture everyone around us. Make it better, make it nice, nest… but we often forget in order to take care of others we must first take care of ourselves. Sounds so selfish, but without doing that, we are no good to anyone.

      The hubby and I have repeated ‘for better or worse’ many times! Cause there have been a few doozies! Barely got through the’in sickness’ part. But we have to let go of all of our preconceived notions and do what WORKS. We are partnered up and said our vows! (And yes… a little ‘guilt’ gets in the mix but just add more ‘ketchup’!) ~Kim

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen Kim! ❤ There is no need to allow guilt to take over because of things like gender roles. Your husband is right! There is no room for guilt in your relationship because exactly! No one did anything wrong ❤ I love that you tackle your circumstances like a team because to me that's what a marriage should be. A team effort.

    My finance and I both live with mental illness and at times it can make things tricky (understatement lol) and I can really relate to the guilt you are talking about. Any time my fiance and I have let the guilt take over we get nowhere fast. If he's not doing so well, I make a point to be there for him and if it's me not doing so well, he does the same…sometimes we're both not doing well at the same time but we make a point to communicate it to each other the best we can. I have always told him…I don't care if it's good or bad just never stop talking and I will do the same and so far it seems to be working for us. Gender roles do not have room in our relationship because honestly it just wouldn't work if we put that kind of pressure on ourselves given our circumstances.

    Thanks for sharing your story! I think there are a lot of people who can relate and I'm reblogging this 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. We, of course, have had our share of ups and downs but we have known each other for so long! Grew up together and were friends for many years before we ever decided to date. Eventually, I realized, there is just no getting rid of this guy! So, we got married! 😉 I know I am very lucky, but we didn’t get married until I was 38 and he was 44 (kinda a cradle robber-ha!). Both of us had been in unsuccessful relationships so we knew what NOT to do, the rest we are learning together. ~Kim

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Very inspiring post, dear Kim! You are truly blessed to have a wonderful and caring husband and a home full of love! I don’t believe in stereotypes of any kind… they usually restrict our lives to fit in forms that are not for everyone (are they truly for anyone???)! Ourselves and our lives are much more multi-leveled, multi-sided and complicated that these. I fully wish you regain your powers to do more of what makes you happy… I think you would have done the same if your hubby was in your situation… So, no guilty feelings, please… With much love ♥ ♥ ♥

    Joanna

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for being so open and honest about these challenges, Kim. I struggle every day to do the best I can and always seem to fall short of my own expectations. Accepting our limitations, when before we could “do it all” is much harder than most people think. I have to remind myself constantly that I am not the able-bodied woman I once was. I struggle to not feel less than even though my husband doesn’t feel that way at all. Some days I’m better at this chronic illness stuff than others. Guess that makes me human!
    Thanks again for sharing,
    ~ Tamara

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It all takes time. You learn about the New You, the strengths of the New You and you implement them. Live by your rules and some of those are defined by our disease but we still can find new strength within our limitations!

      Like

  6. A wonderful post to read. I have a similar arrangement with my hubby. I use to raise the kids and work all hours to keep a roof over their heads while he went off to University/life after we joined him down there we worked together sharing everything and when I got sick he took over no questions asked. He works full time commuting to London every day so have very long days but he still comes home cooks, cleans and helps me. I do what I can when I can and he moans at me for over doing things lol it’s a great balance :).

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.