And on the 8th day, I slept.

At 0930 I received an automatic voice message this morning;

“Thank you for filling your prescriptions with our pharmacy, we want you to know the prescription items you ordered have shipped.”

Today is the 8th day I have been without my medications. I had a few rescue medications that I was able to use, but for the last two days, I’ve had nothing so I improvised. I used some over the counter medications for the sole purpose of knocking myself out. The body pain was absolutely like stepping out of a boxing ring. There was the sharp pain with every movement, nagging pain while at rest, agitating restless legs, and deep depression. Finally, I broke for about two hours yesterday. I could not stop crying. Then I threw up, again and again!

My husband arrived home during my massive meltdown and crushed up some ice chips for me to suck on. He had this terrified look on his face and I felt awful. I felt guilty for putting him back in this headspace of fear. What had I done? Why hadn’t I planned better? It had been 56 hours of torment, remembering why I was indeed on medications and what my life would be like without any…

At 1330 today the doorbell rang and a man called out, “I need your signature!”

It was my medication! All of it! Every single pill I needed… I took my morning dose immediately and a pain pill, just one. Then two hours later I took one anti-anxiety pill and I laid in my bed. I slept. I slept for four hours and I woke with minimal pain. I ate a decent meal and took my evening dose and headed for a hot shower.

I made it! I made it! I made it!!!

Changing insurance plans should not have to entail such personal devastating disruption but it did. I went through it and am on the other side. Grateful that I am still a fighter and reminded what an amazing doctor I have as we journeyed through the medication jungle to find me the right kind of medication. In a sad way, this was a good reminder why I take the medication that I do and why I am receiving the disability that I do. (Even after 20 years I still question my disease, the severity of it.)

I have found what I need to take to lead my best life with this disease, now it is up to me to follow through. I’m coming back, slowly but stronger.

IMG_0075~Kim

20 comments

  1. Kim!!! I’m OVERJOYED for you honey! And SO glad it’s over! It is incredible the journey this disease takes us through and the systems we must navigate to get the care we need to manage life. You are an inspiration to others so much more than you could possibly know. Thank you a thousand times over for sharing your journey with us, allowing us to see the real you and effects of chronic illness in a persons life. You are such a beautiful soul, inside and out, and it truly comes through in your sharing. Be well my dear new friend. I cherish you and look forward to getting to know each other and support each other more in the future. Go forth and conquer Warrior Woman!!! Xo
    ~ Tamara

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    1. And onward we shall go forth! I am not perfect, far from it. I hope everyone realizes no one gets it right all the time. I made a major mistake, but I handled it. We can handle this! I feel awful about putting the hubs through this but he is a damn strong man to deal with all of this as well. I will continue to learn and share. And make mistakes! HA! Welcome to my journey😉!

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  2. Kim, I am really glad that you are back on track. I know it is hard for you as well as your husband but I also know that you are a very strong woman. You are a true inspiration for everyone who is suffering from one or the other dieases. 😊
    Much love 💞

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  3. Well as I lie here in bed full of a cold and feeling a bit sorry for myself, after reading this Kim, I suddenly feel lucky that I don’t suffer an aching body regularly. Bless you and thank goodness the medication arrived and helped! x

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    1. Hey! Having a head cold is no fun! I hope you feel back to brilliant soon! This isn’t a contest. You get to feel crappy too! Thank you for always being such a wonderful you! I don’t always comment but I always read to see what you are up to. Just think in one year all you’ve accomplished! It’s so fun to read your blog now. Big hugs! ~Kim

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      1. Awww – thanks so much Kim! Sometimes it feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back, so you’re lovely comment has given me a much needed boost! Thank you!!! Big hugs returned with love xxx

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