I Don’t “Fit” Christmas.

I am not a Mom. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt and very recently, a great aunt. I am a wife, a sister-in-law, a cousin and a niece. I got married when I was 38, a little late in life. We never tried to have a baby but we didn’t NOT try either. It just didn’t happen for us. We looked at adoption but the price of adoption was, well, a number we couldn’t come up with.

So, I am not a Mom, I just turned 50 and this Christmas confuses me?


Only half of the crew!


With 15 nieces and nephews between my husband and I, there was a time when I had at least one, usually two, children at my house almost every other weekend. They had fun staying with “Auntie.” Let’s face it, you can spoil them when they aren’t your own and send them home! Then there were the college days, “Auntie’s” house was a place to do laundry, get a free meal and a comfy couch to crash on.

Then, they all grew up, started getting married and having their own children. Those children have new “Aunties” to stay with. New cousins to play with…

Where do I fit? My elderly parents have care, one of my siblings has taken over that role and lives near them, full-time. She was married but is not anymore. She likes it that way, I think. She decided long ago not to have children. My other siblings are experiencing their children getting married, their children having babies and becoming grandparents themselves.

Christmas really confuses me this year. I’m having trouble with what it is? I can’t define it anymore. I knew what it was when I was a child, even when I was an aunt. I knew what to do when the nieces and nephews were in diapers and in their teens … but the diapers and the sippy cups went away and the graduations happened. The marriages happened, now in the last three months, two newborns have come into the family. I’m a “Great Auntie” so my role has changed.

I think there may be a simple answer, I just don’t “fit” Christmas anymore. It is time to figure out what Christmas looks like for my husband and I. We will need to figure out our traditions. It is just he and I, after all. So I will ask for his help. And I know he will help me figure out how to make Christmas “fit” us.

IMG_0178~ Jeff and I.