One Day I’ll Be A Ballerina

I was putting together my information for an upcoming doctor’s appointment and I realized I had never really explored my birth trauma. I went through it but what was it? Really? A birth trauma that made me physically handicapped from the moment I took my first breath.

My mother is diabetic, this means she was more likely to have larger babies. And this held true. All of her children were big at birth, 10 pounders at least, all six births. I was the trophy-winning baby at twelve pounds twelve ounces! Yes, 12:12. They had to go to the pediatrics unit to get diapers big enough to fit me. My dad said I looked ridiculous in the incubator as I was definitely the largest baby in the nursery!

All kidding aside, no woman should have to birth a 12:12 baby and my mother passed out during the traumatic event leaving the doctor no choice but to pull me out manually as my shoulders were wedged in the birthing canal. Both she and I escaped death that day. There would be only gratitude and thanks to the family doctor who delivered all of her children. Never once was he blamed for causing the trauma of a brachial plexus injury to my right arm. He had saved our lives.

It was instilled in me as a child if I worked hard enough; did my physical therapy and wore my arm brace, one day my right arm would be just like my left! It was as if waiting for Christmas morning! I worked very hard with my wrist weights and stretching exercises. I wore my brace throughout all the arm rashes that developed because I was waiting for the magical day to arrive. The day I could move my arms, above my head, just like a beautiful ballerina! I even took a summer dance course, once. How I loved to dance! One day …

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There are several types of birth trauma resulting in a brachial plexus injury. I ended up with the generic diagnosis of brachial plexus to the right arm. All nerves running from my right arm to my brain were pulled away from the spinal chord. This should’ve caused permanent paralyzation of my right arm but no one told me. I learned to move my arm, I did my physical therapy. No one told me I was a medical mystery. The human body really is a wonderland.

Out of every 1,000 births, six to eight babies are born with a birth trauma. If you do the math that is about three babies born with trauma every hour. Usually, this trauma is temporary and heals within the first 12 months. I was not so lucky. BUT luckier than some who do end up with paralysis, cognitive impairments, even trauma resulting in death.

I was able to have some reconstructive surgery done when I was 15 years old. I benefited with some mobility improvements but that Christmas morning never came… my right arm will never move like my left. It is OK, though. I learned to assimilate. I learned to work out different ways of doing things others find so easy to do. I figured things out! In a way, I believe those coping skills I learned as a child has helped me deal with my chronic disease as an adult. I know how to assimilate, how to problem solve, how to make the best out of a crappy situation. Sometimes the truths are hard to deal with but you find a way including accepting defeat at times. You learn perspective. I know that I will never be a ballerina but I can still dance.

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IMG_3180~Kim

12 comments

  1. You are an AMAZING woman Kim! When I think of the trials and tribulations you went through as a child and then again with the car accident and this disorder… not to mention your other health challenges….. YOU INSPIRE ME LADY. Words cannot convey the gratitude I have that God put you in my path when he did. All I can say is, THANK YOU. Thank you for being you and everything you do.
    Signed,
    Your biggest fan!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t make me think I’m a rockstar! Cause when I sing… well… the hounds come running from miles! HA hA! I thank you for your extremely generous comments! I’ve had a few trials but a life to lead and that is what I’ve done, step by step. I think we all have our stories, our journies and when we stop learning then we are done with this life… but does the learning really ever end? I don’t think so. I think you are pretty spectacular too Tamara! So glad we met and all has worked out for you! Super Woman that you are!~Kim

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  3. Dear Kim, wow wow wow, you are amazing . I was not aware of birth traumas, but it makes sense . You are amazing , what a story, experience. What bravery. Massive hugs to you. You write so well. Wish you every health and happiness. Regards Bella

    Liked by 1 person

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