You are NOT my Friend.

Having one of those days … looking into a mirror. Yep, she’s there, looking back at me. “You are NOT my friend.” I remember to say “today” under my breath because I’m trying to ‘turn my frown upside down’.  Why does that saying plague me? It is like an annoying mosquito, you can hear it but you can’t see it.

What do you do when you are having a not so friendly day with yourself? There are the ‘mild annoyances with oneself’ days, and the ‘I better not see you at all’ days. I’m going to ask you to be honest and open. Let people around you know, “This is not a good day for me, but I will get over it”. “Why?” “Because that is just the way it is some days.” You can play out the rest in your head … even prepare for it;

“Well, aren’t you selfish?” “Wish I had that much time to think about myself.” And the most endearing, “Get over it.”

Well, I could tell you what my mouth so desperately wants to say in response, but I’ll cool off and speak from the heart. My stock answer, “it is what it is.” I choose not to engage! I have enough going on with not liking myself (today). I choose to do something about that, as for the insults, you can go … get yourself a hobby!

Today I will choose to be nice to myself, even though I want to kick and scream and throw a tantrum. I also want to cut off all my hair, myself. Yes, it’s one of those days. I need to focus on what I like about myself. Since I’ve decided to be kind to the world and not run errands today, I will take out my journals.

Journals can be used for a vast array of things. I found one I liked, in particular, to just mess around with; Art, Doodle, Love, and I found one to write inspirations and aspirations in, my ‘green’ journal (very original name). Then I just found an awesome tablet divided into three sections, my ‘funky’ journal (again, a name of my own choosing, in case you were wondering). The funky journal has a section of lined paper, graph paper, and plain paper. And, my journal, The Shadow Boxers. I wrote it. I use it. I journal in it and make choices that I have advised others to make. I love my journals.

What kind of journals do you have? Would you like to start one? Is it already a habit for you? I finished Art, Doodle, Love but refer back to it on those days. I keep the green journal for the ‘I want to cut my hair off’ days. But all four get me through the ‘that person in the mirror is not my friend’ days. I am not crafty by any means. But it is helpful to review your scribbles and musings when you are in a bad mood. I have a good old stack of 99 cent tablets that I scribble in and write nasty notes in, they get thrown out as soon as they are filled up, no need to continue to travel down that path…

So, on those days, make sure it is just a regular old ‘you are not my friend’ day and it is not depression. If it is depression, this is a disorder, an illness that often walks hand in hand with chronic illness. You must be treated for it.  Once you’ve established what type of day you are having, grab the appropriate journal, book, DVD, photo album, whatever it takes to turn your day around and make it bearable. Because I can promise, tomorrow will be better!

IMG_2890~Kim

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9 comments

  1. I have days were I hate myself and avoid the mirror. It must be really difficult though coping with your illness and the pain. Thank you for sharing with everybody. I have twi diaries. Once where I write stuff and another where I draw or stick things in that I really like for example when I see a great pattern or postcard I stick that in

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    1. Hi Britta! Yes my day started out a lil funky. It can be hard when dealing with chronic pain but I think everyone can relate to the down days. I need to put together a fun diary like yours, just put in things I like… thanks for the idea! I do Pinterest but it’s not the same feeling, I like the process of collecting. ~Kim

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  2. Please don’t take the scissors to your hair Kim! :o) When I’m having one of those days, I’ve learned to just let myself feel sorry for myself, have a quick cry if I need it, and then I feel better and am able to move on to more positive feelings. I’m with you on the journaling – it’s so helpful to just get it all out!

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    1. My husband took all the scissors to work with him! Haha. I have honestly learned to cut my own hair from YouTube but, no, this wasn’t going to be a pretty cut! I did not do it. The journals help me immensely. Then I know just start watching the clock because this too shall pass! Thanks Terri! You are so sweet to me. I might have that quick cry but overall I think I’m good!🤓~Kim

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