No Recovery.

Today I will talk a bit about my fibromyalgia.

It is not easy for me to tell my story because I am a ‘pull yourself up from the bootstraps’ kind of gal. I have been this way since birth, well because of birth. My mom had a difficult time delivering a 12lb. 12oz. baby. Yes! 12:12! Correct. (I apologize to her every year on my birthday.) During my miraculous entry into this world, my mom passed out, the doc pulled me out by my right arm and I have what is called brachial plexus. It is very similar to Erbs Palsy, but it is not Erbs Palsy. The doctors DO NOT KNOW how I am currently moving my right arm, but I am. The doctors DO KNOW all of the nerves in my spinal cord were pulled away from the spine and I should not be able to move my right arm. But I am!

The catalyst for my fibromyalgia happened on a sunny day in August of 1998. I was a passenger in a 2 door Grand AM that was T-boned by a full-size Tahoe. I really did not think I was hurt that badly. I even refused to go in the ambulance to the hospital. A kindly police officer on the scene told me I must go to the emergency room as currently, it was apparent I was in shock.

I did as he said. When the shock of what happened wore off that afternoon, the pain was excruciating. I just could never get better! And I tried everything! By April of 2001, I was ‘medically released’ from my position as director of a state-run work release in Seattle, Washington. By July 2001, I was in Minnesota living with my parents no longer able to care for myself.

My childhood consisted of doctors, tests and physical therapy appointments due to my birth trauma. I was invested in overcoming my injuries from the car accident as I had overcome my birth trauma.

When I was about 14, my doctor told me I would not get any better. I was in complete shock! My parents had always told me if I worked hard enough my right arm would one day be like my left! Well, I continued on with physical therapy myself at a local gym and I did get much better! Enough so I was able to undergo reconstructive surgery on my right arm when I was 15. Nothing was going to stop me from living the life I had envisioned for myself! Before I knew it, I was living it!

Just like the process, you go through when you lose a loved one, I would go through my own grieving process. I lost the person that I was in 1998. The new Kim entered my life on that bright sunny afternoon. At first, she was very angry and bitter and I HATED her for not getting better! Eventually, I learned that there would be no miraculous recovery from this car accident. I had to grieve for the old Kim before I could get to this place of acceptance. I think I’m at a good place, it has taken nearly 20 years but I have at last made friends with the new Kim.

IMG_4733~Kim