The Alice Cooper Lesson.

I have never admitted to what I am about to blog about, but my time has come. My intent is not to shock you. My hope is that with my words there is someone who reads this that will know they can get through today and tomorrow and the next. This is not about strength, it is about endurance. When you really feel like you have nothing left, please know that you do.

It was shortly before I received my chronic illness diagnosis that I began trying to destroy myself … drugs, alcohol, food; Rock ‘n Roll!  Except I was not in a band. I was not famous. I didn’t even have a job anymore. I did not have a healthy support system. I did not even like myself, let alone love myself. I had no sense of self nor sense of self-respect left. I could not get better, I could not even define what ailment I was suffering with. All I knew was that I was now formally broken. Mind, soul, and body. What was left for me? What could I possibly be good for?

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I will admit I was either trying to sleep away the pain or out of my mind on medication… alcohol came later, followed by food or lack of food. I simply wished not to exist. I felt I had my run at the world and somehow I messed that up? I couldn’t even die right because if this was my life now certainly I should have died in the car accident. One of the responding officers at the accident site told me if our car had stopped three seconds later the Tahoe that crashed into us would’ve come through my door and I would have been killed. What the hell? Yep. Three lousy seconds… three! I was an embarrassment.

So I planned my suicide. (I’m not going to use pretty words.) My then fiancé’ was getting ready to take his daughter home after our weekend visit. I had planned the entire weekend. We had a great visit! We went out to eat, I had spent extra time with his daughter digging for clams on the beach, we watched funny movies, we all laughed a lot. I was covering my bases, making sure everyone would have good memories of me. As he was getting ready to leave with his daughter the phone rang and it was my mom. I thought, well, I still have plenty of time because it would take him close to 40 minutes to get her home and get back to our apartment. So I began chatting with my mom, happily I might add, as I wanted her to be at peace when my suicide was completed.

This is how very irrational you are when the plan is made to commit suicide and only the deed is left to do. There is a lot of preparation. The previous week I had made sure our apartment was very clean, the laundry was done, put away and I had made a few extra meals for my fiancé so he’d have food for the week after I was dead. I planned where I would die to leave the least amount of mess; the bathtub. I even planned on calling 911 to report my suicide before I did it, making sure I remembered to hang up immediately. I was not getting talked out of my plan! I wanted the paramedics to get to me before my then finance’ returned home. I wanted to spare him from finding my body. I knew where our gun was and how to use it. I had showered the day I planned on killing myself and put on make-up. I was so at peace and absolutely giddy that I was finally going to have some control! I – was – in – control.

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When my then finance’ walked in the door, I was still happily chatting with my mom. I was just getting ready to hang up, making sure I told her I loved her. My mood drastically changed. I had screwed up! My perfect plan was ruined! Why had I talked so long? It didn’t feel like 40 minutes? It had been 40 minutes. It had been 40 minutes! My mother had literally, unknowingly, saved my life. I have never told her this story, my intentions are not to. She doesn’t need this kind of memory. This is my memory. Almost my last memory. The pain I would have caused my loved ones shames me to this day. I am ashamed of these dark thoughts that overtook my common sense. So many consider suicide to be the easy way out but to the person who contemplates it, it seems like the only way out. These irrational thoughts of suicide seem so rational! So unbelievably “right”.

You must always fight! These are the tricks your mind plays on you when you are dealing with severe depression, pain, and chronic illness. That night was the first time I had contemplated and planned my suicide. It was not my last time of ever thinking about suicide. Never again did I allow myself to ‘plan’ my suicide. I knew that if I began the planning process, the irrational feelings of it being “right” may take over. Suicide is never “right”. You do not get to choose life or death on any given day. I see the terminally ill choose not to go on, I understand that. But when you are not terminally ill, the decision is just not yours to make.

 

So I began the process of repairing my mind, body and soul. I now know myself. I now have some respect of self and sense of self-worth. Has this life been worth living? Yes! Yes! Yes! The things I would’ve missed! The life I live now! The purpose I have found! The love I have been given! Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes! Life is not fair and it is not easy. There are good times and bad times to be lived through. To – be – lived – through! Life is all that it is because you are present in it and feel all the emotion that comes with it. Feel your life. Live your life. You will find purpose, and you will love. That is what is “right”.

FullSizeRender 56~Kim

 

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I am Afraid.

 

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Have you ever noticed the idiosyncrasies that come forth as we attempt to hide the fact that we are afraid? Life can be truly terrifying yet we make out fear to be a weakness. Human beings will ‘overcome their fear’. We have therapy just for conquering fear! But fear can be a healthy option for us. Am I afraid of a rattle snake? Yes. I am afraid of snakes in general and I am afraid of rattle snakes specifically because they are poisonous. Being afraid of a rattlesnake is a healthy alternative to pretending not to be and getting bitten, wouldn’t you say?

The fear of death, in general, I believe is a healthy fear as well. I am not going to jump off the roof of the building because if I do, I may not only break my legs, I may die on impact. We do not use ladders deemed unsafe, life vests that won’t hold our weight in the water, or drive our cars without ensuring our babies are secure in their car seats.

Many fears we have been written into our DNA to survive the elements. Children are fussy eaters not just to give their parents a hard time! There is a reason. Their pallets were genetically designed to stop them from eating foods that were poisonous and can be followed through history to the period of the hunter-gatherers. When we touch something hot we flinch before even thinking, this is to protect our extremities from getting burnt. We run inside when it rains… this I still do not get and have no reason for other than vanity.

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How many remember the friendly neighbor Mr. Rogers from the after school program for children? I heard a story that as a small boy he would watch the news with his parents and would be afraid when they reported on acts of violence or devastation. His mother, as the story goes, would always tell him to look for the helpers. This would calm him. This calms me. And I do, when looking at something upsetting, I look for those helpers and it is comforting because they are always there.

So fear, in and of itself, is an appropriate response to many things we face in this life. Irrational fear, like being afraid of clowns, is not rational and you need to seek help if you work in or near a circus. The other option is just to stay away from clowns. It is OK to recognize fear and decipher if it is rational or irrational. Fear is a healthy emotion if it is rational.

 

I am not afraid of needles, hospitals or even surgeries. I am not afraid of pain, depression, anxiety attacks or Fibromyalgia Syndrome. I have made my peace with all that I physically have been diagnosed with, medications I must take, and an old life with specific dreams that will no longer be lived. I know my future is uncertain and that is a blessing and a curse, but I am not afraid of it. What am I afraid of? Snakes of any kind. If that is the only irrational fear I must deal with, then so be it. That won’t break me either.

IMG_2890~Kim

And all the Spoons were Dirty.

Christine Miserandino was in college when she came up with The Spoon Theory. She was at a diner talking with her best friend when her friend asked how it felt to have Lupus. As you will read in The Spoon Theory, Christine describes her inability to answer her friend’s question until she comes up with using spoons to explain the energy it takes for an ill person to complete even the simplest tasks like showering, eating, sleeping, and the like. This theory is brilliant! It has become popular with all chronically ill individuals as a way to explain how our energy gets zapped to our healthy counterparts. Christine did say that individuals who do not have a chronic illness have an unlimited amount of spoons. Although the Theory, in and of itself, is excellent, those unlimited spoons are questionable. Even healthy individuals have taken issue with the unlimited amount of spoons in her Theory. Those healthy individuals who care for loved ones with a chronic illness, have been speaking out as of late. My hat is still off to Christine Miserandino, for coming up with The Spoon Theory.  However, I do agree no one, especially caretakers of the chronically ill, has unlimited spoons.

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9:1 ratio of women to men diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

I always believed to test your relationship travel with that person. Travel with a passport to another country if you really want to test your relationship. The good, the bad, and the ugly is all on display during a trip. All the pressure of making it through the airport and boarding your plane can just about ruin you but this is only the first step. Throw in missing a connecting flight or the forms that you must fill out before entering another country. If you are still speaking you get to wait in line together again, get your luggage and go through customs. You finally escape the airport and its stagnant air to, YES, wait together again in the heat for a resort van to fill to capacity so you can be driven to your hotel. You know full well you will need to repeat these steps on your way back. Can you do it? Are you even still a couple at this point? Now this was the true test of a relationship. Travel can leave ‘healthy’ people with no spoons.

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I got married in 2004, about 6 years into my illness. We have successfully traveled in and outside the states fairly frequently during out thirteen years of marriage. Our first few trips were supposedly good, I can’t remember much about the first few trips we took as a married couple to Orlando, New Orleans, or Cozumel. But there are pictures, I was there! (I have proof.) I believe I am even smiling in most of the pictures. But unfortunately most of my time was spent in a hotel room in complete fibro fog, with my symptoms flaring and needing sleep badly. Having me in this physical and emotional state, out of our element, did almost more damage to my husband. He was AWARE. He was in a constant state of worry. I begged him to join others and go sight-seeing. He acted like I just asked him to hang the moon! He would not leave my side for most of the time during these trips. By the time we returned home, he would literally sleep for 24 hours straight trying to recover. He ran out of spoons.

Since those first trips, we learned how to get better at this travel thing. When to arrive to the airport, how and what to pack, what type of bags are easiest to handle. What type of connecting flights do we want? How to make yourself comfortable in an airplane seat! Yes, there is a way. A little time to rest in an airport out of airplane seats was always a welcome relief. Walking around waiting for a connecting flight also saved me from flaring on many trips. We always rested for one day after we arrived, no planned sightseeing. Every day we took an official excursion was followed by a day at the beach doing nothing. No skipping foods that were good for you even on vacation starting with healthy snacks for the plane. We got this travel thing down! But my husband always takes the following day off from work when we return from a trip, and he sleeps. He is simply out of spoons. He finds ways to relax on the trip but is always on alert when traveling with me, his chronically ill wife.

Thirteen years later, her still loves and cares for me, he still runs out of spoons. I need to be aware of this fact. He gives me everything he can. And I give him all that I can. But there are days when all the spoons in the house are dirty. There will be no cooking, no cleaning, no overt attention paid to each other. We are both just existing. There is no energy. And there is nothing wrong with this! No one can take and take and not expect to wear their partner out. And no one can give and give and not expect to wear out!

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Isla Mujeres, Mexico, a trip I do remember!

Fibromyalgia Syndrome is a sneaky, deceptive little monster. It is after your job, your house, your marriage, relationships and friends. Some of it, it wins. But don’t let it take everything from you. Be aware of your demands, its demands. Don’t take everything from the one who gives you care and love. You must give care and love back too. Even then, fibromyalgia will take and take and can and will leave you with not even a spoon.

FullSizeRender 56~Kim

Invasion of the Body Snatchers!

It is important to realize that some people just cannot understand what fibromyalgia is. They may want to but it is very difficult. (Remember how difficult it was for you to understand at the beginning?) However, these are the people in your life who stand by you. No matter what. They may not always say the right thing or do the right thing according to you, but they are trying. Not only are they struggling with the loss of the person they knew you to be, but now they must get to know a new you. You look the same, but you are not! It is a modern-day invasion of the body snatchers!

Trying to interpret another person’s intentions is almost impossible… is ignorance malicious? No, it is not malicious. Uniformed but not malicious. Unless there is ill-will behind a comment. If a person is saying something to intentionally hurt you then they do not get to claim ignorance. That is malicious and unacceptable. So, no matter how clueless a person tends to be, being ignorant is simply being uninformed.

Then there comes the unique sort of person who believes that their negative past experiences entitle them to treat others any way they please. They believe others owe them something because of it. “I treat you this way because it’s how I was treated.” Too damn bad, grow up and get yourself some therapy! You don’t get a ‘pass’ because you were mistreated in the past. You have my empathy but I will not allow you to mistreat me, nor will I excuse your abusive behavior…

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You decide who is a positive force in your life and who is not. I recommend you save your energy and surround yourself with those positive beings who make your life better and you, in return, can be a positive force in their lives.

 

IMG_3183~Kim

Don’t shoot the Messenger!

I’ve often heard that ignorance is bliss! I can’t say I agree with that. Is ignorance chronic? The jury is still out. I personally do not believe ignorance is chronic. The way the information is delivered plays a big part. How many messengers have been killed during the delivery of a message to Kings and Queens? Hence, don’t kill the messenger. There is knowledge to be gained.

There are things we want to learn and things we simply do not. We pay teachers to educate our children. (My hat is off to the teachers of this world!) If we go to college the students pay their educators, could this possibly mean college students could fire their professors? No, after all, that would be shooting the messenger, wouldn’t it? Knowledge can be volatile. There are wars over what are believed to be Holy Lands, foremost ports of call, and fertile lands with the most precious metals. In all countries! There continues to be war over oil, still not an admission on that one…but I didn’t shoot the messenger.

I find that most people are interested in current events, illnesses, and proposed tax rates. Current events are a big area to cover; the political arena, entertainment, sports. Most people have their preference. Illness, I find most people have a vested interest in. Illness affecting children, relatives, even public personalities. We don’t want people to be ill, but we like to know if they are. Taxes; death and taxes are the only two things you can count on in this life. At least that was what my Dad taught me that by the time I was 6.

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Talking with someone about an illness that is chronic is risky. Do they have a vested interest in you? Do they love you? Are they in the medical profession or the mental health profession? Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean they want to talk about a chronic illness with you. Chronic is forever, chronic is a life time and in reality you can learn bigger words, better definitions but the bottom line remains the same, it’s chronic. Think of the difficulty you had accepting this diagnosis in the beginning? And now, since it is an invisible chronic illness, you look pretty much the same, talk the same, and you want another person to take you at your word that this supposed illness you have? This illness that you say you have for no apparent reason other than a medical guess at this point is real? And chronic too? Well, no ma’am, that don’t fly where I come from!

This is what those of us who have chronic conditions are up against. We are quick to kill the messenger. Why wouldn’t we be seen as unbelievable? There are times we demand it! We must give others who ask about our illness the facts, just the facts. If anyone wants to learn more, they will ask. This isn’t about loving us enough or less than. This is a hard thing to understand. As we are told to be patient with ourselves, can’t we extend the courteously?

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I will close with a message. Please remember to stay interested in the world and it’s events. Large and small. Learn to communicate with friends and loved ones about things other than your illness. It is so easy to get caught up in fibro speak. That is what we do, research, go to doctor appoints, try new medications. From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed we are in fight mode. We fight to try to live a normal life with this deceptive little monster called Fibromyalgia. Somewhere during this fight for normalcy we forgot how to hold a decent conversation about anything other than chronic illness. Don’t shoot the messenger.

IMG_1647~Kim

 

 

The Dying vs. The Living in the Stages of Grief.

What is Grief? There is a state of loss and a reaction to loss. The grief that I want to talk about today is emotional suffering one feels when they experience or react to loss.  I think we are all familiar with the 5 Stages Theory developed by the Kubler-Ross Model;

  1. denial
  2. anger
  3. bargaining
  4. depression
  5. acceptance

What is often left unsaid is that these 5 stages are what the person who is dying experience, not the living. As those of us who are left without our loved ones, we grieve differently. We do not grieve in the order of the 5 stages. We may visit these stages numerous times but not in any specific order nor only once.

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We must go through a process of grief when we are diagnosed with a chronic illness. We will visit anger and denial many times. We will be depressed and visit anger again. We might touch on acceptance a few times but then our symptoms increase and that may throw us back into the grieving process. Then denial. We may bargain; if I and refuse prescription pain killers then I will get better or if I pray hard enough, I will be cured! Then we get angry again; why, why, why is this happening to me? We grieve; we revisit these stages many times and in no particular order.

 

Until we truly reach acceptance can we understand who this new person is? We must grieve! Our loved ones must grieve. You look the same, but you are not! Some cannot let go of the old you and leave your life. Some simply will not accept the new you and we must leave them. Once in acceptance we learn about this new person we have become. We must listen to her, be kind to her and embrace her. You may find you will come to love this new gentle soul. This soul who has been through a real-life battle! Help her find herself and encourage her to seek out her gifts as she is now. The old you, the old career, the old dreams, are gone. Your chronic illness took that from you! That is your past. Leave it there. You must find new strengths. You will find those if you are truly and firmly accepting of who you are now. Acceptance does not mean giving up, it means living in the present and you acknowledging what you face. You go after your illness in a different way. You will be able to face your truths and look at problems in a realistic way not encumbered by feelings developed from fear.

In conclusion, I do not know how many times I can state that acceptance does not mean giving up! It does not. It means you are going to have to look at your life, circumstances and health issues differently. You will find purpose in accepting this new perspective. You will be at peace, you will find that purpose and that love you seek. It is all waiting for you, you just have to get finished with your grieving process. The timeline is up to you. Your grief serves a purpose that you will let go of only when it no longer serves you.

Live your best life!

FullSizeRender 56~Kim

Lose the battle win the War.

Do you ever get yourself so far backed in the corner your only option is to come out swinging or lose the battle? This was my LIFE! With a career in corrections, you can’t risk a lost battle, not even one rule not being followed! I was ‘in it’ to ‘win it’ e-v-e-r-y-t-i-m-e. That is what a Director of a State Work Release does. I made grown men follow the rules of release from incarceration for work. I did this without bars, guns, or a specialized take-down team. I did have an unbelievable staff that was skilled, de-escalation machines! Every battle was won at that work release, we couldn’t worry about the war.

I am not that person anymore. I am not the head b**ch in charge. (Hey, you gain power in the work place you’re given pet names!) But sometimes I feel like it. A hamster on a wheel running faster than the other hamsters on their wheels because I have to try to win every battle. This is usually when my ‘better judgment’ is on vacation. When I am trying to know everything, be first in every race, complete all tasks before anyone else … my health gives up on me. Every goal that was close to completion has to be re-started. Every battle that was won has to be fought again. I repeat this behavior time and again. This is not the thought process or behavior of a sane woman! (Yes, I said that.)

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I have come to terms with the fact that I am repeating behaviors that hurt me. I had been sidelined for so long due to pancreas problems a few years back it feels good to be back in the game. I am hungry for life again! Being chronically ill and repeating behaviors that physically and mentally put me at risk for a severe set back is irrational. But I seem to live in an irrational state of mind at times. Just recently,  I got a wake-up call.

I had a little health scare a few weeks back with a pancreas flare-up. Was that my wake-up call? Nope. I went 48 hours with no sleep in a manageable but painful state, wake-up call? No! I was forgetting to eat and couldn’t spell simple words. I would write ‘grate’ for great. Wake-up call? No way and god I hoped I was losing some weight! Finally, a friend asked me, “when was the last time you let the little girl inside out to play?” I thought what the hell has she taken? Did I need to call the paramedics?  So, since my friend always seemed to have it together I thought, I’ll play along. “I can’t find the little monster.” Her response? “Well, you need to spend some time with her.” What in the hell was wrong with her? I started backtracking our messages to each other. There had to be a clue. I was on point the whole time … book … outline of book changes … book cover changes … group … group member requests … my friend had tried to change the topic twice to just have a nice conversation, I never got off topic. I was like a dog with a bone! Wake-up call? Check!

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That afternoon, I went to my book bag to grab a Zentangle book … time to do something I enjoyed! There was a cobweb on my book bag. I had so many sketchbooks and notebooks jammed in there I had to pull everything out to find one book I wanted. It wasn’t there. Well, time to organize! No! Find the little girl… I have other craft books! But I wanted the ONE I couldn’t find. (Well there was the little girl’s attitude.) I picked up a sketch book and a different pattern book and went to complete a Zentangle. I couldn’t choose a design and when I would begin I would nod off and wreck my piece. I had a good cry while simultaneously falling asleep. I got up after my cry/nap and ate some real food instead of a protein bar. Then I ate some red licorice. I was back. My ‘better judgment’ was back from vacation. I sat down on the sofa feeling relieved. I would do my best to do battle no more but focus on the war. Under the coffee table was the ONE Zentangle book I was searching for so I grabbed my sketchbook and Zentangled!

 

Live your best life!

IMG_3178 2~Kim

Hello God it’s me, Kim.

This is a question I am often asked. If there is a God, why does he let bad things happen? The God I know, that I worship, that I call my Father does not make bad things happen. He is incapable of making bad things happen, because God is Love. My Father wraps his arms around me when bad things happen and comforts me. God may have a plan for our lives but there is this one little thing called free will. You choose your path. Don’t blame your left turn on God when he gave you the opportunity to take that right turn.16708679_1071870509583479_7063975714836039657_n (1)

I lost a brother who was just a young man to cancer. At one point during the last days of his life he asked me what he did wrong to make God hate him? Prone to crying during these last days with him, I knew this was why I was placed in his room at that moment. You see we all have things to learn in this life, at that moment it was to comfort my dying brother, not cry for my loss. I explained to him that God loved him, God would never hurt him. Our bodies were fallible and a certain cell that was supposed to split a certain way did not do what it was supposed to do. This cell was sick. This sick cell made another sick cell and another until it turned into the cancer that he now had. My brother finally understood God wasn’t punishing him. God was giving him strength to be on this earth with us these final days but he would not be saved, he would be going to Heaven.

 

My brother was Korean, we adopted him at age nine. We added the 8th to our family of 7. My mom said she believed we had enough love for one more and we did indeed have enough. He always had a language barrier and this would follow him into adulthood. He tended to be a bit naive but was always so smiley. He had a heart of gold but oh did he love to tease! He was a terror to me and my little sister growing up! But then a big smile would come, his face would light up and all was forgiven. God didn’t make my brother get cancer, his human body failed him. God did comfort Kory and all of us as Kory finally passed on August 18, 2003, holding our Dad’s hand.

Why did God give us illnesses? Chronic syndromes? Chronic conditions? He didn’t. For some reason that car accident, flu, traumatic event, hereditary gene… for some reason, something went wrong. Your little human body just couldn’t handle it and you ended up with a chronic condition. You were given nothing harmful by God but he is available if you find yourself needing strength!

We are all so busy trying to pray enough, take enough medication, go to enough physical therapy, we forget to LIVE! We forget it is not our job to JUDGE! Who is right, who is wrong? Christians can’t decide who is Christian enough. The Jewish can’t decide who is Jewish enough. I won’t start with the Muslim faith because I know nothing about it but I bought a Quran and I am going to learn about it. I am sure they have their finger-pointing as well. For the rest of the faiths, be they Christian or not, who is better than…? Is there a best in Wicca or is there a better atheist than another? Do atheist’s have a “better than” category? (And thank you for reading this much if you are not Christian I realize it was a pretty big title to start with!)

I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes I wish I did but I think I’m glad I don’t! So I would like to leave you with this, it all comes down to one answer for all of life’s questions.

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Live your best life!

FullSizeRender 56~Kim

Bring me some damn flowers!

The longer you are chronically ill, the less likely you are to receive a phone call, a card, or flowers. These things are a part of your past. So you have fibro flares, fibro fog, and other coexisting conditions rear their ugly heads and you get … nothing! Now you will be playing a part in a movie called,This is not my season.”  You will need all the mental strength you can muster.

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So I’d like to review the media picture I posted above.

  1. I believe I am a mentally strong person. I really could care less if I am even asked how I am feeling, doing, or what I’m watching on the television. (I actually prefer it because after 20 years, how many more times can you explain it?)
  2. I do love challenges! Learning new things, figuring out the best way to go about certain tasks, but I am not keen on change. Change for me is difficult and even sometimes painful. I think I go through change so much in one day with fibromyalgia that I do not seek out other forms of change.
  3. It has taken years of fighting and trying to change what I can’t to finally get to acceptance. I am happy, I have to know what I can’t control and I determine how I react to a situation.
  4. I try to be kind and I believe I am always fair. I have been known to speak my mind! (This is why I question if I am kind?)
  5. I will take a calculated risk but I will not be jumping out of a perfectly good airplane to sky dive anytime soon.
  6. And finally, I love to celebrate milestones in the lives of the people around me! I want to be there and I want to cheer them on. I don’t always get to attend, and to me, this is where mental strength is most important. The phone calls of, “where were you?” begin. There is no understanding that I am the one that missed out! I am the one who never gets to enjoy that celebration. I receive words filled with anger, even disgust that I missed an event. It feels, at times, too much to take but I try to remain mentally strong.

Truthfully, I am not mentally strong all the time. Sometimes I am just mean! Sometimes I am a pile of emotional woes. During those times I am usually in tremendous pain or a deep depression or both! I know that I should just shut myself away from the world. I usually do. But living in Minnesota the temperature changes every 15 minutes, I’d never see anyone ever again! I also have clinical depression. My depression is a coexisting condition of my Fibromyalgia Syndrome. Getting through the dark winter is a two-fold problem, the cold is bad for my fibromyalgia and the dark is bad for my depression. No win situation. I do try to keep my mouth shut and a permanent smile on my face when in the presence of others. It’s just like being in a movie. I am in the lead role of This is not my season. I pretend I am a very famous actress, and I receive an award; a beautiful bouquet of flowers!

For me, the beginning of daylight savings time should be a national holiday. I have it circled on my calendar. I have exclamation points and a smiley face. I am so excited! I am like a kid counting down the days to Christmas. That is what the start of daylight savings time is to me. Is there a better holiday? Not for me and it’s not even a holiday! The days will be lighter, longer, and spring is on its way! It is like I have finished a marathon. (This is the closest I’ll get to ever running one.) The actress in me can take a bow and she will receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers for best actress in the movie, This is not my season. Then she starts her next movie, about how to handle the temperature jumps in the spring and the humidity in the summer. This movie is called This is not my season.” These movies just repeat, season after season. The actress plays her part again and again and again… she doesn’t get a beautiful bouquet of flowers. This acting gig is tough, the set can be dangerous, and it is year-round work! Somebody better bring me some damn flowers!

Live your best life!

IMG_3173~Kim

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