That Bridge was Burned!

 

I have a tale to tell on today’s blog…

Once upon a time, there was a blogger named…”Kate.”  Kate was thrilled that a fibromyalgia support group leader had used one of her posts to share with her group! So, with anticipation high, Kate went on to the group leader’s site to extend common courtesies and thank the group leader for sharing her post and mentioning her blog to the group. In order to make a comment on the site, Kate had to sign in, so she did. Kate made her comment and was almost immediately messaged by the group leader who hoped she would stay with the group, Kate was honored to be invited and said she would.

As this tale continues, Kate was orienting herself to the new site. Putting in information on her profile page and putting a purple ribbon on her profile as that is the color for fibromyalgia, there was even a diary that could remain public or personal. Very cool indeed! Kate received two more messages from the group leader that was very positive and then signed off for the evening.

The very next morning Kate got up and went to look at her new group site. Kate had been blocked. What had she done? She read the rules and didn’t break those. Maybe someone in a group just did not want her to belong? She could see posts from the group leader asking what had happened to Kate? Kate was able to sign back on, got a message to the group leader, and was again blocked within the hour. Kate’s only concern was that this nice group know that she did not quit on them. Kate was not a quitter. Happily, Kate read an email message sent to her by the group leader. Kate knows now that she was heard before the block button was pushed again and that was the only thing she was concerned with. However, the nice group leader was very upset that someone had blocked Kate and was going to find out who did that.  That site has many groups and hosts around 4,700 members. I think the chances of that are scarce. Kate appreciated the thoughtfulness but does not feel the need to know. Kate will not be returning to the nice group, she doesn’t have the energy for such nonsense on a support group site. Kate did want to wish the group the best in their journey!

What would you do if this happened to you?

  • Would you be personally offended? How could you be, you don’t even know who blocked you or why?
  • Would you write insulting things about the site and post them? Why should everyone suffer because one person got blocked?
  • Would you cross a burning bridge to find out who blocked you? Be careful what you wish for, they may have a very reasonable explanation.
  • You know it wasn’t a mistake because you were blocked twice. So what would you do?

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If this happened to me… I would do as Kate did and get a message to the group leader just so she knew I did not walk away from the group. But that is it. If I get upset I have a flare, if I have a flare, I lose time, if I lose time – the blocker won. In the real world, I don’t know that person and have no reason to be upset with them as they have not personally harmed me in any way that hurts me. Now if someone started messing with my blog, sent me nasty emails, or put obscene things on my Facebook page, I would be quick to respond. I-would-bury-that-person.

So in closing, no one was harmed. I made a new friend with the nice group leader and we will stay in touch to simply share ideas and personal stories. I feel a renewed energy for writing my blog and I want to prepare the best posts possible. I will be working on some new ideas and will share them with you on Wednesday. Until then, I appreciate You!

IMG_0195.jpg~Kim

8 comments

  1. I’m also a group leader on that same group. And I’m ever so upset and disappointed at what happened there. I was looking forward to getting to know you, and reading your wonderful input in our community. I will have to settle for just following your blog now. Which I am sure is wonderful! I fully understand and respect your decision. Conserving our energies is the most important thing we do to balance our chronic conditions, and you absolutely must do this to be your best version of you each day. I hope this experience took nothing from you, and brings you some new followers. I send you healing light and energies.

    Miranda

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Miranda. I hope you enjoy my blog. I feel no ill will toward whoever it was that felt the need to block me. Twice! 🙄 I did tell Clara if it is found to be a malicious attempt to bully her or hurt the group I will do all I can to support you. But for now, I want you to know I’m good and I do not want anyone getting so upset they have a flare. So, choose health and put yourself first. In the mean time, I am thrilled you have decided stop by and read my blog! Thank you! -Kim

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  2. All 4 Group Leaders on Fibromyalgia & Me SG are outraged that this has happened on our fabulous safe haven,plus it is clear to us 4Gl’s that some group leader from another support group is purposely trying to sabotage our group by attacking you in the way they did without any rational sound cause! We must not let bullies triumph as that is what we do when any good person is chased away! You say the bridge is burned yet if you look on the forum you have much support plus many people who want you to come back. All 4 group leaders have messsaged the Administrator Roy and he is investigating this right now. We must not let this happen to any other new member plus what happened to you was totally outrageous!! Roy wants you to contact him- he wants to talk to you. We hope you give us a second chance. It was just one mean spirited jealous fool that did this!! The vast majority of the people on MDJ are really caring and supportive and Fibro & Me SG is a wonderful place with fab resources! Wherever you go in life there will always be one person who tries to ruin it for everyone- one bad apple- yet we must all stand together against these dark forces! Honour whatever decision you make. Like you do not like drama either- do my best to avoid it yet at same time can be feisty when needs to be as will not let anyone ruin our group just because they want to!! Do not let this one Jerk tarnish your perception of MDJ- do not want you to make a knee jerk reaction to this jerk. If you check on Fibro & Me SG you will see just how much support you have and how angry we feel collectively on what has happened to you! Will not rest easy until discover who this is either! Am deeply grateful that we have become friends yet have many friends who would love to be your friend too yet unless you come back to our group you will not get chance to talk to them! Us group leaders on Fibro & ME are like Katy Perry’s song Roar right now!! Or, Rachel Platten’s Fight Song! Have put a link to your blog to this entry onto MDJ so everyone can see your point of view, too!! Your voice needs plus deserves to be heard! Sending much healing light to You , namaste Clara

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    1. Clara, my dear warrior. I feel you deserve an answer to whomever is messing with you or your group. If you and the other group leaders can get Roy to find out who has done this, and find out if it was indeed malicious, I believe that may help settle questions that you all have. I certainly would not want to see your group torn apart. It seem to me that you had a genuine, healthy support group in place. And I was so glad you felt my blog was helpful to such a group. There are no hard feelings or ill will on my side. I do not know who or why that person blocked me. If you feel it is to personally hurt you, that is not ok with me. I will do what I can to help you, if that is talking with Ron the Admin I can do that. But I need no apology nor explanation. Like I said, this to me is nonsense. If this is someone bullying you Clara, I will fight for you. -Kim

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  3. Hi Kim,

    I’m also a leader of the support group. I’m sickened and so very sorry that this has happened to you. We do not tolerate bullying at our group. I’m sickened that your account was banned twice for no reason! Only group leaders have the authority to ban a member and the decision was not made by the four of us representing the group. I’m disgusted that a leader from another group decided to make this decision, they have no right to make such a choice. I have been in touch with the head of the website to see what can be done, I’m not going to let this injustice slide. We are a loving community at this support group. I wish I could say the same for the other groups affiliated with the website. Please know you did nothing wrong and we very much want you to be a part of our family. I completely respect and understand your wish not to return. I’m doing everything I can to make sure the person responsible is dealt with. The four of us stand by you!

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    1. Hello Miss Bekah! Than you for visiting my blog. Wish you were here under better circumstances. I am glad you four group leaders are standing together to find out who did this because it should’ve been your own group decision. I am equally protective of my group members on a page I co-author as well as any one who comments or follows my blog. Very protective. I enjoyed my visit and will be happy to participate in limited discussions that I am invited to by you, the group leaders. Please do not take up this cause solely on my account. I have no ill feelings, I’m rethinking the name I chose for this post! I really am OK but am concerned that this was done to YOUR group. That I take issue with. Please take care of yourselves and don’t let the bully win by stressing you all out and going into a flare! Please put your health first. Thank you for checking in and I thank you for that! Kim

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  4. I just wanted to let you know that you are valued and appreciated. Thanks for all you do to reach out in a loving and caring way to help others.

    Namaste,

    WindDancer

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