Moments are Priceless.

 

It is the last week in January and I am not sad to see it go. It has been recorded that the third week in January is the most depressing week of the entire year. The holidays are over, the credit card bills for those holidays are arriving in your mailbox. The weather is harsh and it is cold. I must agree, the third week in January is indeed the most depressing time of the year.

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Yesterday I cried. I cried for a very long time. I felt physical pain in my chest like my heart was literally breaking. I was beyond sad. I was grieving. I was grieving for the people who are in pain. I cried for those I try to help but cannot. I was grieving for lost family time and relationships.  I was angry at time for moving so quickly. I was grieving for my aging parents. I was grieving for me. I cried for all the things I am trying to do but have to admit I cannot. I wanted the old Kim back. The one who could do everything, fix everything, I miss her. I was grieving for my husband. Jeff is having back pain again that is so severe, yet there is still so much he wants to accomplish. He doesn’t accept his limitations yet. And I grieved for the missed moments and opportunities Jeff and I couldn’t take advantage of due to my numerous hospitalizations and surgeries. I remembered one day after my 7th and final surgery, my husband, looking at me and saying, “Now, all of our moments are priceless.” I grieved…

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Then I stopped grieving. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, ” YOU need to get it together!”  I got out the bricks and mortar and rebuilt that wall around my heart. I still have memories from my past that I have not worked through and maybe never will be ready to confront. So I put them back in their box and tucked it safely away in the dark part of my mind. I am not ready for the dark to meet the light. Not yet.

Grief is not a bad thing, grief is the price of love. Grief is almost like a personal ‘off’ button. Then when you have done your time you click the personal ‘on’ button and get yourself together. You build that wall, put a lid on that box, whatever you need to do to keep the emotional pain at bay so you can function. A friend of mine told me that this life is not a resting place, it is a testing place. Truer words have never been spoken.

Grief holds its place in line and you will pass through grief again. But you come back out of the darkness and look to the light and you do not rest, you live and love and laugh! Because all of our moments are priceless.

 

IMG_0182~Kim

 

9 comments

  1. Thank you Kim; as always another great blog post. My boss and I(she has a PhD in psychology and has worked in the mental health field for over 30 years) were just talking about how healing from our past is such a paradox. We feel like there is no way talking about it and facing it head on will make it “better” but generally it does. We both had a self realization which we expressed which was that even when we have faced certain past hurts and felt like we had healed from them they still come back and rear their ugly little selves and even though we know that talking about it and facing it head on will help we still get stuck on not wanting to talk about it or face it because “how on earth is that going to make it any better” Life is a journey and sometimes the terrain is a little more than we bargained for but at some point the path will flatten back out and will traverse downhill for awhile. In those moments we must enjoy the reprieve and self reflect on what all we have overcome so when the terrain gets a little rocky again we can be our own cheerleader and make it through what we feel is the challenge that will for sure break us. Here in our office we strongly encourage journaling. I myself love to journal. I have two. One for the real life moments, good, bad and ugly; one for only positive, inspiring things. It is so gratifying and humbling to go back a read some of the old ones and see how much I have overcome and realize how silly it was to fret so much over something that ended up being just a little stumbling block on this amazing journey we call life. .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! I completely understand and I do allow myself to visit old wounds, but I must be selfish with my time because I understand that time is limited.

      Reflecting, grieving, realizing how far we have come… all excellent reasons for journaling and I am glad you do. I am a bit of a journaling addict and have a journal for just about everything. But they are so important.

      Keep journaling and thanks for the inspiration on here; my blog page, and on my group page! -Kim

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  2. I’m so sorry for your sadness.. it’s good to just have that moment in time when you just let go, let it out and then gather yourself back together… Hey that’s just being ‘human’… You’re so right.. if we didn’t feel sadness we wouldn’t enjoy those precious moments quite so much. Behind every cloud, the sun is waiting to peep back through and the rainbow is shining on the horizon..
    I hope you’re feeling better today but if not… go with the flow! Much love and a BIG hug xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear Wendy and I am… I just had that sad day we all get once in a while. Reading your post about your vacation made me all better! 😉 I do believe we just run the gamete of emotions at times. And the funny thing is, when all my work was done for the day – feeling not quite right but not knowing what was wrong… I started to cry about nothing in particular. Then I realized I was grieving for very specific things. I believe you are given time to feel uncomfortable, painful feelings and then you must get done with that time and move on! I am feeling great and realize those feelings need to be visited occasionally! Thanks for you continued support and I so enjoy reading your “brilliant” blog! (I’m waiting for part three!) -Kim

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww Kim – you are so so right.. we do live a gamete of emotions and we should just ‘go with it’ sometimes and let it all out. I’m so glad you’re feeling better and am honoured that my posts can bring a little bit of cheerfulness to your day! I’m struggling with part 3 as I was going to include some video clips but on this new laptop I haven’t managed to find the ‘movie maker’ that I’m used to.. I’ll get there and I know you’ll be patient with me! Hopefully I’ll master it this weekend…
        I hope you have a wonderful weekend yourself Kim, enjoying ‘the moment’ and imperfections of life! – Wendy xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Nothing wrong with a good cry, Emma! I am glad you took the time to grieve; we all need to do so to face the daily battles ahead of us and to celebrate this wonderful life!

    Liked by 1 person

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